Off Topic Jokes thread

  • Please bear with us on the new site integration and fixing any known bugs over the coming days. If you can not log in please try resetting your password and check your spam box. If you have tried these steps and are still struggling email [email protected] with your username/registered email address
  • Log in now to remove adverts - no adverts at all to registered members!
You must log in or register to see images

Ever since I was a child, I've always had a fear of someone under my bed at night. So I went to a shrink and told him, "I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it.
I'm scared and I think I'm going crazy.”
"Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink. "Come in and talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears."
“How much do you charge?”
"Eighty dollars per visit", replied the doctor.
"I'll sleep on it", I said.
Six months later the doctor met me on the street. "Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?" he asked.
"Well, eighty bucks a visit, three times a week for a year is $12,480.00. A bartender cured me for $10.00. I was so happy to have saved that money that I went and bought me a new pickup truck."
"Is that so?" With a bit of an attitude, he said, "and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?"
"He told me to cut the legs off the bed. Ain't nobody under there now!”
 
  • Like
Reactions: Wooperts_duck
Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful,
independent, self assured princess happened upon a
frog as she sat, contemplating ecological issues on
the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow
near her castle.
The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said
"Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome price, until an
evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you,
however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young
prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and
setup housekeeping in yon castle with my mother, where
you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my
children, and forever feel grateful and happy
doing so."
That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on a
repast of lightly sauted frog legs seasoned in a white
wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled to herself
and thought: "I don't ****ing think so!"
 
  • Like
Reactions: Wooperts_duck
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top Bottom
Back