please log in to view this image Ever since I was a child, I've always had a fear of someone under my bed at night. So I went to a shrink and told him, "I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared and I think I'm going crazy.” "Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink. "Come in and talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears." “How much do you charge?” "Eighty dollars per visit", replied the doctor. "I'll sleep on it", I said. Six months later the doctor met me on the street. "Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?" he asked. "Well, eighty bucks a visit, three times a week for a year is $12,480.00. A bartender cured me for $10.00. I was so happy to have saved that money that I went and bought me a new pickup truck." "Is that so?" With a bit of an attitude, he said, "and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?" "He told me to cut the legs off the bed. Ain't nobody under there now!”
Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat, contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle. The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said "Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome price, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and setup housekeeping in yon castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so." That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on a repast of lightly sauted frog legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled to herself and thought: "I don't ****ing think so!"
