Off Topic Jokes thread
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Manchester City preparing for their first home game of the season.
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In an effort to determine exactly whats happened out side Parliament in London yesterday, the police were seen questioning a number of letter boxes in the immediate area!
Fancy playing hide and seek all day and getting paid for it?
Become a member of staff at B&Q!
Become a member of staff at B&Q!
- A priest fell over this cliff, and was hanging on with his fingertips, and he looked up and said, "Lord, can you help me?
- And a voice said, "Let go of the cliff, your body will be dashed on the rocks below, and this time tomorrow you will be sat on the right-hand side of God."
- And the priest said, "Is there anyone else up there who can f*ckin" help me?"
- Ann Summers new vibrator for women is so realistic!
- Just before you reach a climax it cums, farts, goes limp, rolls over and then it switches itself off.
- Bradford & Bingley employees are concerned that they were given no notice of the takeover by Santander.
- A government spokes man said, "nobody expects the Spanish acquisition."
- I don"t agree with Vodafone"s advertising campaign.It states
- "Be part of the worlds largest mobile community"
- Now correct me if I"m wrong but that"s the Pikeys!
I was on holiday in France when the soft drinks factory burnt down.
It was a hot day and I was thirsty
I walked into a small shop for a cold drink but the fridges were empty.
"The soft drink factory burnt down monsieur - we have run out of stock"
I tried a kiosk further along but had the same result
My tongue was hanging out by now - I was sooooooo thirsty
I walked up and down the streets looking for a shop that might have a can of pop.
No luck here
No luck there
No luck anywhere
Until.......
I found a tiny little shop the size of a small bedroom
In the corner was a fridge.
It was empty.....
....apart from one solitary tin can on the bottom shelf.
I picked it up
It was so cold I could almost taste it.
I went to the till.
"That's 2 euros monsieur"
I was so delighted to actually find a drink that I gave him a five euro note and said "keep the change"
"You are a very lucky man monsieur" said the shop keeper.
"I believe you have got the last Tango in Paris!"
It was a hot day and I was thirsty
I walked into a small shop for a cold drink but the fridges were empty.
"The soft drink factory burnt down monsieur - we have run out of stock"
I tried a kiosk further along but had the same result
My tongue was hanging out by now - I was sooooooo thirsty
I walked up and down the streets looking for a shop that might have a can of pop.
No luck here
No luck there
No luck anywhere
Until.......
I found a tiny little shop the size of a small bedroom
In the corner was a fridge.
It was empty.....
....apart from one solitary tin can on the bottom shelf.
I picked it up
It was so cold I could almost taste it.
I went to the till.
"That's 2 euros monsieur"
I was so delighted to actually find a drink that I gave him a five euro note and said "keep the change"
"You are a very lucky man monsieur" said the shop keeper.
"I believe you have got the last Tango in Paris!"
Sadly the man who invented Chinese whispers has died …..... may he test tinned peas.
I have started a yacht building business in my loft.
The sails are going through the roof.
The sails are going through the roof.