- A consultant surgeon asks his colleague,
- "Have you informed the Paki in bed 9 he only had a week to live?"
- "Yes." he replies
- "Oh you c*nt! I wanted to tell him!"
Off Topic Jokes thread
- Thread starter devonFRATTONiser
- Start date
-
Please bear with us on the new site integration and fixing any known bugs over the coming days. If you can not log in please try resetting your password and check your spam box. If you have tried these steps and are still struggling email [email protected] with your username/registered email address
-
- I brought some of these flavoured condoms the other day.
- Said to my wife "Lets have a game, I put one on and you try to guess what favour it is"
- She closed her eyes went under the blanket and said " cheese and onion flavour"
- I said " for f*cks sake give me time to put one on"
- Strike back at Islam.
- Run into your local mosque with 20 pounds of pork sausages strapped to your chest.
- You see a black man and a white man drowning.
- You only have time to rescue one, which one do you pick?
- The black guy, the white man could be Scottish.
A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year-old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, “What are these, Dad?”
The man matter-of-factly replies, “Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex. “Oh I see,” replied the boys pensively. “Yes, I’ve heard of that in health class at school.”
He looks over the display and picks up a package of three and asks, “Why are there three in this package.”
The dad replies, “Those are for high-school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday.”“Cool!” says the boy. He notices a pack of six and asks “Then who are these for?”
“Those are for college men.” the dad answers, “Two for Friday, two for Saturday, and two for Sunday.”
“WOW!” exclaimed the boy. “Then who uses these?” he asks, picking up a 12-pack.
With a sigh, the dad replied, “Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March…”.
The man matter-of-factly replies, “Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex. “Oh I see,” replied the boys pensively. “Yes, I’ve heard of that in health class at school.”
He looks over the display and picks up a package of three and asks, “Why are there three in this package.”
The dad replies, “Those are for high-school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday.”“Cool!” says the boy. He notices a pack of six and asks “Then who are these for?”
“Those are for college men.” the dad answers, “Two for Friday, two for Saturday, and two for Sunday.”
“WOW!” exclaimed the boy. “Then who uses these?” he asks, picking up a 12-pack.
With a sigh, the dad replied, “Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March…”.
- I find the saying "you are what you eat" true.
- My ex-missus shops at Lidl, for instance, and she"s cheap, easy and you don"t really want people to know you"ve been there
- My neighbours bought their little boy a drum kit a week ago.
- I went round there to see him earlier.
- What a noise he makes!
- You"d think he"d never had a drumstick shoved up his a*se before!