Off Topic Jokes thread
- Thread starter devonFRATTONiser
- Start date
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An old man is checking in at a Las Vegas hotel and when reaching for his wallet to pay he elbows the woman standing behind him right in the tit. He turns and immediately apologises to her saying "My dear, if your heart is as soft as your breast I know you will forgive me"
The lady then says "well if your cock is as hard as your elbow I'm in room 502"
The lady then says "well if your cock is as hard as your elbow I'm in room 502"
- Two women, blonde and brunette, are in a lift when a very short man walks in and stands between them both.
- As both women look down on him, they see his hair is full of dandruff.
- When he gets out, the brunette turns to the blonde and says, "Oh my God! I would really love to give that guy some Head and Shoulders!"
- The blonde replies, "How do you give someone shoulders?"
- David Cameron"s policy of "Hug a hoodie" is f*cking ridiculous.
- In fact, why stop there?
- Tickle a rapist.
- Toss-off a *****phile.
- The new version of the Airbus aeroplane, the A380, is capable of holding 1000 Passengers.
- Or 500 Americans.
While enjoying their evening cocktails, the wife asks her husband in a very seductive voice, "Have you ever seen Twenty dollars all crumpled up?" "No," said her husband.
She gave him a sexy smile, unbuttoned the top 3 or 4 buttons of her blouse, slowly reached down into her ample cleavage, and pulled out a crumpled Twenty dollar bill.
He took the crumpled bill from her and smiled approvingly..
Then she asked him, "Have you ever seen Fifty dollars all crumpled up?"
"Uh...no, I haven't." he said, with an anxious tone in his voice.
She gave him another sexy little smile, pulled up her skirt, and seductively reached into her tight, sheer panties...and pulled out a crumpled Fifty dollar bill.
He took the crumpled Fifty dollar bill and started breathing a little quicker with anticipation.
"Now," she said, "have you ever seen $50,000 dollars all crumpled up?"
He said, "No!," trying to hide his anticipation.
She said, "Check the garage."
She gave him a sexy smile, unbuttoned the top 3 or 4 buttons of her blouse, slowly reached down into her ample cleavage, and pulled out a crumpled Twenty dollar bill.
He took the crumpled bill from her and smiled approvingly..
Then she asked him, "Have you ever seen Fifty dollars all crumpled up?"
"Uh...no, I haven't." he said, with an anxious tone in his voice.
She gave him another sexy little smile, pulled up her skirt, and seductively reached into her tight, sheer panties...and pulled out a crumpled Fifty dollar bill.
He took the crumpled Fifty dollar bill and started breathing a little quicker with anticipation.
"Now," she said, "have you ever seen $50,000 dollars all crumpled up?"
He said, "No!," trying to hide his anticipation.
She said, "Check the garage."
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