Off Topic Jokes thread

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  • A big mining company recently hired several cannibals.
  • "You are all part of our team now", said the HR manager during the welcoming briefing.
  • "You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat, but please don"t eat any of the other employees".
  • The cannibals promised they would not.
  • Four weeks later their boss remarked, "You"re all working very hard, and I"m satisfied with you. However, one of our Admin"s has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened?"
  • The cannibals all shook their heads indicating "no".
  • After the boss had left, the leader of the cannibals said to the others, "Which one of you idiots ate the Admin ?"
  • A hand rose hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals continued,
  • "You fool! For four weeks we"ve been eating Managers and Supervisors and no one noticed anything, but noooooo, you had to go and eat someone important!
 
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  • A guy goes into a drugstore to buy condoms.
  • "What size?" asks the clerk?
  • "Gee, I don"t know."
  • "Go see Sophie in aisle 4.
  • "He goes over to see Sophie, who grabs him in the crotch, and yells, "Medium!"
  • The guy is mortified! He hurries over to pay and leaves quickly.
  • Another guy comes in to buy condoms, and gets sent to Sophie in aisle 4. Sophie grabs him and yells, "Large!"
  • The guy struts over to the register, pays, and leaves.
  • A high school kid comes in to buy condoms.
  • "What size?"
  • The kid embarrassedly says "I"ve never done this before. I don"t know what size."
  • The clerk sends him over to Sophie in aisle 4.
  • She grabs him, and then yells,"Clean up in aisle 4!"
 
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  • A police officer pulls a man over for speeding.
  • As the officer approaches the car he can see that the man is very anxious about something.
  • "Good afternoon Sir. Do you know why I stopped you?"
  • "Yes, officer, I know I was speeding, but it is a matter of life or death."
  • "Oh, really? How"s that?"
  • "There"s a naked woman waiting for me at home."
  • "I don"t see how that is a matter of life or death."
  • "If I don"t get home before my wife does, I"m a dead man."
 
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