Jack and Jill went up the hill, so Jack could lick Jill's fanny.
Jack got a shock and a mouthful of cock, coz Jill was a f*ckin' tranny!
Jack got a shock and a mouthful of cock, coz Jill was a f*ckin' tranny!
Off Topic Jokes thread
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Raheem Stirling! 11 attempts and still couldn't get a cross in the box!
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I'm sick of people posting jokes about how Scousers don't have jobs. Just yesterday I saw four Scouse removal men hard at work over at my neighbours house. Working so hard infact, they were using the window instead of the front door. Running back and forward to speed up the removal.
And most efficient of all they were doing this at three in the morning.
And most efficient of all they were doing this at three in the morning.
Just heard the official song for the England women's football team.
Steam Irons on a shirt.
Steam Irons on a shirt.
An attorney got home late one evening, after a very taxing day trying to get a stay of execution for a client, James Wright, who was due to be hanged for murder at midnight. His last-minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.
As soon as he got through the door at home, his wife started on him about, "What time of night do you call this? Where have you been?" And on and on.
Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he went and poured himself a shot of whisky and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks.
While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband's client had been granted his stay of execution after all.
Finally realizing what a day he must have had, she decided to go upstairs to give him the good news. As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband's rear end as he was bent over naked drying his legs and feet.
"They're not hanging Wright tonight," she said.
He whirled around and screamed, "FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, WOMAN DON'T YOU EVER STOP!"
As soon as he got through the door at home, his wife started on him about, "What time of night do you call this? Where have you been?" And on and on.
Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he went and poured himself a shot of whisky and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks.
While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband's client had been granted his stay of execution after all.
Finally realizing what a day he must have had, she decided to go upstairs to give him the good news. As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband's rear end as he was bent over naked drying his legs and feet.
"They're not hanging Wright tonight," she said.
He whirled around and screamed, "FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, WOMAN DON'T YOU EVER STOP!"
A guy goes to the doctor and says
"I"ve got a cricket ball stuck up my arse".
The doctor says "How"s that?", and the guy replies
"Don"t you fu*king start".
"I"ve got a cricket ball stuck up my arse".
The doctor says "How"s that?", and the guy replies
"Don"t you fu*king start".
How do you turn a fox in to an elephant?
Marry it
Marry it
When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90 % of their body... men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.