please log in to view this image Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, "Kin ya swallar?" The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks, "Kin ya breathe?" The womanbegins to turn blue, and shakes her head no. The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers, and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm, and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table. His brother said, "Ya know, I'd heerd of that there Hind Lick Maneuver but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!"
Barry and his vegan friend Sam were drinking tea one afternoon. After they had finished Barry asks "Did you enjoy that tea?", to which Sam replied, "Yes it was lovely." "I have something to tell you", Barry starts, "there was cows milk in that tea". Furious, Sam leaves... Next week Barry was over in Sam"s house for tea. "Hey Barry, did u enjoy that tea?" "Yes....", he replies. "I have something to tell you..." Says Sam, "....I fu*ked your wife."
Donald Trump was thrilled at finally being able to spend his first night in the White House, but something very strange happened. On the very first night, he was awakened by George Washington"s ghost. Trump asked the ghost, "President Washington, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?" "Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," advised Washington. With all the excitement of the White House, Trump still couldn"t sleep well, and then, later on that night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moved through the dark bedroom. "Tom, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?" Trump asked. "Cut taxes and reduce the size of the government," Jefferson answered. Trump still couldn"t sleep well, and much later he saw another ghostly figure moving in the shadows. It was Abraham Lincoln"s ghost."Abe, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?" Trump asked. Lincoln replied, "Go see a play."
Please remember a doggy is not just for christmas. ... Its a f*cking great position all the year round!!
Great News from my local Wetherspoons. In an act of supreme customer service they have announced that they will now be running a courtesy bus to the toilets.
‘Mummy do all fairy tales start with ‘Once upon a time’ ‘No some start with ‘If elected, I promise...’
The credit crunch... I could lose my job. I could lose all my savings. I could lose my house. So what does the country do? Spend billions of our money on an event that lasts just two weeks and which serves no purpose other than to find out which people on this planet are best at taking drugs without being caught.
The Australian gold coast surf competition has just been won in controversial circumstances by a little Japanese man on a wardrobe.
