Bill Clinton is walking down a corridor in the White House when he sees a pretty young girl walking towards him. "Hello," he says "Are you new here?" "Yes," she replies "I started yesterday." "Ah," answers Bill "I thought I hadn"t come across your face before."
How come a Securicor cash delivery van carrying maybe 70,000 quid is armoured with plated steel and the driver wears a stab proof vest and a protective helmet, when a fuel tanker driver carrying petrol worth 200,000 quid has nothing to defend himself with apart from a rolled up porno mag.
My mother-in-law was always nagging. She said I would never make anything of myself. So I strangled her and made myself a murderer.
My girlfriend just walked out of the kitchen, looked at me and said, "I'm afraid that you need to get a new dish washer." I said to myself, "That's a strange f*cking way to break up with someone!!
Please wish me luck with this year's London Marathon. I managed 3 hours, 12 minutes and 9 seconds last year. This year I will try to beat that, but I usually get bored and turn over to watch something else.