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Off Topic Jokes thread

Discussion in 'Portsmouth' started by devonFRATTONiser, Jan 25, 2015.

  1. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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  2. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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  3. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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  4. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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  5. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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  6. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    • Bill Clinton is walking down a corridor in the White House when he sees a pretty young girl walking towards him.
    • "Hello," he says "Are you new here?"
    • "Yes," she replies "I started yesterday."
    • "Ah," answers Bill "I thought I hadn"t come across your face before."
     
    #9646
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  7. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    • How come a Securicor cash delivery van carrying maybe 70,000 quid is armoured with plated steel and the driver wears a stab proof vest and a protective helmet, when a fuel tanker driver carrying petrol worth 200,000 quid has nothing to defend himself with apart from a rolled up porno mag.
     
    #9647
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  8. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    • My mother-in-law was always nagging.
    • She said I would never make anything of myself.
    • So I strangled her and made myself a murderer.
     
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  9. antipodean exile

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    • What"s the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
    • Outlaws are wanted.
     
    #9649
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  10. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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  11. antipodean exile

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  12. antipodean exile

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  13. antipodean exile

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  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    My girlfriend just walked out of the kitchen, looked at me and said, "I'm afraid that you need to get a new dish washer."

    I said to myself, "That's a strange f*cking way to break up with someone!!
     
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  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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  16. Wooperts_duck

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  17. Wooperts_duck

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    Please wish me luck with this year's London Marathon.

    I managed 3 hours, 12 minutes and 9 seconds last year.

    This year I will try to beat that, but I usually get bored and turn over to watch something else.
     
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  18. Wooperts_duck

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