I remember pretending to be asleep so my parents would carry me to bed and they’d say: “You’re a middle aged man, we’re pensioners, you don’t even live here, go home.”
The government really are sneaky bastards. They raise the tax on alcohol, then make sure that the country is in such a mess that you have to drink more.
I went to one of those gadget shops earlier today and I bought one of them wind-up radios. I got it home and switched it on and it said "Your dick"s tiny, your kids are ugly and your wife"s shagging your best mate".
I"ve recently developed a new habit. It comes with a flap in the back to make it easier for the nuns to take a dump.
At s recent job interview I was asked if I could perform under pressure. I said I didn't know that one but would have a fair crack at Bohemian Rhapsody.
please log in to view this image please log in to view this image Christianity: The belief that some cosmic Jewish zombie can make you live for ever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him that you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree. Makes perfect sense really.
