A biker is riding by the zoo, when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents. The biker jumps off his bike, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch. Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly. A reporter has observed the whole scene and, addressing the biker, says "Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I saw a man do in my whole life." "Why, it was nothing, really. The lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger, and acted as I felt was right." "Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist, you know, and tomorrow's papers will have this on the first page. What motorcycle do you ride?" "A Harley Davidson." The journalist leaves. The following morning the biker buys the paper to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on the front page: Biker Gang Member Assaults African Immigrant And Steals His Lunch
Two welsh supporters, Dai and Evan went to Twickenham to watch the game, after the match they got separated, Dai got lost and found himself wandering round Soho, a lady of the night asked him what he was doing, Dai replied “I’m looking for Evan” the lady lifted her dress and said “here you go lover, here’s heaven”, Dai said “oh no, Evan is a much bigger c*#t than that.
Paddy takes his son to the zoo. When they get to the elephants the zoo keeper said, this elephant can tell how old you are with one look. Paddy's son shouts, "how old am I ?" The elephant stamps his foot 6 times. Wow says Paddy that's right my boy is 6. Paddy shouts to the elephant, "How old am I ? The elephant farts and stamps his foot twice. "Be Jesus" says Paddy, "He's right, I'm Farty two"...
Vanessa Feltz"s waterbed burst last night. The Met office has declared East Sussex a flood disaster zone.
A midget goes into a chemist"s shop and says "I want the biggest condom you have." The chemist gets out the largest they do and the midget says "That"s not big enough. What about the one outside?" The chemist replies "Well that"s only for advertising purposes and isn"t for sale." "Name your price," said the midget. So the chemist eventually sells him this large rubber prop for £50. The midget then stretches it all over his body until he"s completely covered. "What do you think?" he asks. The chemist looks embarrassed and says "Well actually you look like a big prick." "Thank goodness for that," said the midget. "I"m tired of being called little c*nt!"
Just found out my uncle has left me a stately home in his will. I have no idea where Sod Hall is, I'm just off to Google it now!
