A girl is standing at The Gates Of Heaven when she hears horrible screams of pain and torture coming from inside. She says to St. Peter, "What"s going on?" He says, "That"s the sound of new angels getting big holes drilled into their backs for their wings, and small holes drilled into their heads for their halos." She says, "Heaven sounds terrible. I think maybe I"d rather go to Hell." St. Peter says, "In Hell, you"ll be constantly raped and sodomized." She says, "That"s okay. I"ve already got holes for that."
Why doesn't Mexico have a good Olympic team? Because everyone who can run, jump or swim is in the U.S.
An American meets an Ethiopian. The American says, "Fcuk me, you look as if you"ve survived a famine!" The Ethiopian says, "You look as if you fcuking caused it you fat twat!
Whereas in certain countries men have been known to put their women on a pedestal, In Wales they"ve put her on their National Flag.
Today, China had to call off their planned Space Walk. Apparently, they found a chink in the Space Suit.
After their 11th child, a Kentucky couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed. So, the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. 'A less costly alternative,' said the doctor, 'is to go home, get a cherry bomb, (fireworks are legal in Kentucky) light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10. The Kentuckian said to the doctor, 'I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me. ''Trust me,' said the doctor. So, the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count! "1" "2" "3" “4” "5," at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and continued counting on his other hand. This procedure also works in Tennessee, Louisiana, Arkansas, Mississippi, Parts of Georgia, Missouri, West Virginia, and all of Washington DC.
