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Off Topic Jokes thread

Discussion in 'Portsmouth' started by devonFRATTONiser, Jan 25, 2015.

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  1. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #9041
    antipodean exile, Feb 20, 2019
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  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #9042
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 20, 2019
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  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #9043
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 20, 2019
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  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A Catholic priest and an Imam were sitting in adjacent seats on an airplane. The Catholic priest was having his bacon sandwich while the Imam had a veggie burger. After a while, the priest turned to the Imam and asked,
    "Is it still a requirement of your faith that you do not eat pork?"

    The Imam responded, "Yes, that is still one of our laws."

    The priest then asked, "Have you ever eaten a bacon sandwich?"

    "No" answered the Imam

    The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading. A while later the Imam spoke up and asked, "Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?"

    The priest replied, "Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith."

    The Imam then asked him, "Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?"

    The priest replied, "Yes, on one occasion I was weak and broke the pledge of my faith."

    The Imam nodded understandingly and remained silent for several minutes.

    Finally, the Imam quietly observed, "Beats the s*it out of a bacon sandwich, doesn't it?"
     
    #9044
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 20, 2019
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  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #9045
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 20, 2019
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  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #9046
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 20, 2019
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  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #9047
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 20, 2019
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  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #9048
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 20, 2019
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  9. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #9049
    antipodean exile, Feb 21, 2019
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  10. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #9050
    antipodean exile, Feb 21, 2019
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  11. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #9051
    antipodean exile, Feb 21, 2019
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  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #9052
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 21, 2019
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  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #9053
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 21, 2019
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  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #9054
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 21, 2019
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  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Men with big penises are 85.9623858484% more likely to come up with stupid statistics.
     
    #9055
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 21, 2019
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  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    It was such a tough area where I was brought up.

    My first job was as a rear gunner on a milk float.
     
    #9056
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 21, 2019
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  17. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    • I was in the shopping centre this morning when a man approached me, collecting for Alzhiemer"s.
    • I said, "I"ve already given - don"t you remember?"
     
    #9057
    antipodean exile, Feb 21, 2019
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  18. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    • Sad news reports are coming in that a whale, stranded on an English sandbank today, had to be put down despite a massive rescue attempt.
    • Still, they were pretty fcuking daft to try to pick it up in the first place.
     
    #9058
    antipodean exile, Feb 22, 2019
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  19. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    • What have Stamford Bridge and space got in common?
    • Loads of stars and no atmosphere.
     
    #9059
    antipodean exile, Feb 22, 2019
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  20. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    • My gran asked me to go round there earlier and help her in the garden.
    • So I went round there and pushed her out the back door.
     
    #9060
    antipodean exile, Feb 22, 2019
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