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Off Topic Jokes thread

Discussion in 'Portsmouth' started by devonFRATTONiser, Jan 25, 2015.

  1. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #9001
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  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    A woman driving along at speed passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait. The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, with that classic patronizing smirk & asked, 'What's your hurry?'
    She replied, 'I'm late for work.'
    'Oh yeah,' said the cop, 'what do you do?'
    'I'm a Rectum Stretcher,' she responded.
    The cop stammered, 'A what?............
    'A Rectum Stretcher!'
    'And just what does a rectum stretcher do?'
    'Well,' she said, 'I start by inserting one finger in the rectum, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch it, until it's about 6 feet'
    'And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot arsehole?' he asked
    'You give him a radar gun & park him behind a bridge..
     
    #9004
  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #9005
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  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #9006

  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #9007
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  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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  9. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    • Did you know that every two in one people are schizophrenic?
     
    #9009
  10. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    • I"m fcuking glad I didn"t live in biblical times.Imagine being called "Job"
    • Whenever anyone needed my help, they would ask - "can you give me a hand Job?"
     
    #9010
  11. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    • Grafitti recently seen, written above a toilet paper dispenser:
    • "Emergency Turban Rapair Kit"
     
    #9011
  12. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    • My mother-in-law broke up my marriage.
    • My wife caught us shagging.
     
    #9012
  13. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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  14. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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  15. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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  16. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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  17. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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  18. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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  19. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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  20. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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