Off Topic Jokes thread

[Wooperts_duck]

I went into the library and asked if they had a book called, "How to spot a lady-boy."

He said, "I'm sure we do, it's probably tucked away somewhere." I said, "That's the one."

 

[Wooperts_duck]

Blew my chances of getting a job at my local police station, by answering "no comment" to every question at my interview.

 

[Wooperts_duck]

I've just joined Alcoholics Anonymous. I still drink but under a different name.

 

[Wooperts_duck]

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[Wooperts_duck]

During my check up I asked the Doctor, "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life then?"

He replied, "I doubt it. Mercury is in Uranus right now." I said, "I don't go in for any of that astrology nonsense."

He replied, "Neither do I, but my thermometer just broke."

 

[antipodean exile]

• Feminists say all men are potential rapists but, surely, by that same logic it would mean all women are potential rape victims.
• And believe me there"s a lot of dog-ugly women out there I wouldn"t waste my duct tape on.

 

[antipodean exile]

• Who is the Hindu Goddess of Hair?
• Kondishna

 

[antipodean exile]

• My mate somehow got a vacuum cleaner hose stuck up his arse.
• When I phoned the hospital to see how he was doing, they told me he was picking up nicely.

 

[antipodean exile]

• BREAKING NEWS!
• Elephant Man involved in horrible car crash.
• Police say it was a freak accident.

 

[antipodean exile]

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