An elderly man with Allzheimers walks into a bar and sees a rather tasty elderly woman. He walks over and sits beside her and says "do I come here often?"
Think it"s fantastic how the Chinese can now say they"ve sent an astronaut into space. He"s been officially named as Moon-Lan-Din.
Have you heard about the new American radio station called WPMS? Each month, they play two weeks of love songs, one week of blues, one week of ragtime and two days of death metal.
Rocket launches from houston to Mars with two monkeys and an american on board. Houston radios the first monkey and say "adjust oxygen 20%,stop radar and phase to warp factor 3." Monkey 1 replies "ok roger that." Houston then radios second monkey "switch off engine 3,start radiation shield and adjust anti-gravitational throttle. "Monkey 2 replies roger that." Houston calls american "feed the monkeys and don"t touch a fcuking thing!!!!"
I got a Womble pepper grinder for Christmas. It's rubbish. Everything is either underground or overground.
My stupid dog ate all the christmas tree lights, I took him to the vet and they assured me they could whip them out in an hour. I gave him a little cuddle to reassure him, and his little face lit up.......
Whenever I've been to a funeral all I got was some sandwiches and a drink. please log in to view this image
It"s the weekend, with a week to go before Christmas.Michael Jackson is sitting at home with his aide, and feels like getting into the Christmas spirit, so asks his aide to go out and rent him a DVD...something with a bit of a seasonal feel. Trouble is, Jacko hasn"t really much of a clue what he wants, so his aide suggests "Tell you what Michael, seeing as you"re a big Disney fan, why not get Aladdin?" To which Jackson replies: "Fcuk off, you know what I had to go through last time I did that..."
How do you know if a chinese man robbed your house? Your homework is done, your computer is upgraded, but two hours later he is still trying to back out of your driveway
