During one of our lessons I asked the children what their fathers did for a living. "My Dad runs the fire station. He's the station officer." Said Simon. "Very good Simon. Anyone else?" "My Dad runs the local supermarket. He's the store manager" Said David. "Very Good David. Anyone else?" "My Dad runs the local prison," piped up Billy. "Excellent Billy. Is he the prison governor?" I asked. "No Sir, he's just the hardest b*stard in there!!..
This gent went into a restaurant and ordered his meal. When the waitress came out with his soup, he noticed that she had her thumb stuck into the soup. This upset him, but he let it go. She then brought out his chili, and again her thumb was in the food. He let it go again. When she brought out his hot fudge sundae, her thumb was in the food and this was too much for him. "For fcuk"s sake," said the man, "get your bloody thumb out of my food!" "Well, I injured it a while ago and the doctor said I should keep it warm." "Well, why don"t you just shove it up your fcuking ass?" the man said angrily. "That"s what I do when I"m in the kitchen." She replied.
News just in. the NHS are now paying 60 pounds for sperm donations... which makes the old towel under my bed worth a few grand.
I'm joining the drone party, they stopped more immigration in one day than Labour or the Tories have done in 100 years.....
The mother-in-law arrives home from shopping to find her son-in-law boiling angry and hurriedly packing his suitcase. "What happened ?" she asks anxiously. "What happened!! I'll tell you what happened. I sent an e-mail to my wife telling her I was coming home today from my fishing trip. I get home... and guess what I found ? Yes, your daughter, my Jean, with a naked guy in our marital bed! This is unforgivable, the end of our marriage. I'm done. I'm leaving forever!" "Calm down, calm down!" says his mother-in-law. "There is something very odd going on here. Jean would never do such a thing! There must be a simple explanation. I 'll go speak to her immediately and find out what happened." Moments later, the mother-in-law comes back with a big smile. "I told you there must be a simple explanation .....she didn't receive your email”
Three Celtic fans walk into a bar... a priest, a **** and a *****phile... and that was just the first one
