- Some girls beg & some girls borrow,
- Some girls lead & some girls follow,
- Some bring joy & some bring sorrow,
- But all the best girls suck then swallow.
Off Topic Jokes thread
- Thread starter devonFRATTONiser
- Start date
- After the 4th "Ho" was found dead in Ipswich, the police ruled out Santa Claus as their main suspect.
- What do you get when you have 32 rednecks in a room?
- A full set of teeth.
The wife said she wants a Philips 42 inch for Christmas.
Where the f*ck am I going to get a screwdriver that big?
Where the f*ck am I going to get a screwdriver that big?
Every Christmas I'd come running downstairs to the big pile of presents and start unwrapping them as fast as I could. Sometimes there would be fights over who had the best toys but we would all make up later and sit down to have a three hour lunch before watching TV for the rest of the day.
I really miss working at the Royal Mail sorting office.......
I really miss working at the Royal Mail sorting office.......
I work with a Chinese guy called Kim and one time at a works function, we were having a drink and I said to him "Do you ever get fed up of us Westerners saying that all Chinese people look the same"?
He replied "Kim's at the bar getting drinks, I'm his wife"
He replied "Kim's at the bar getting drinks, I'm his wife"
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Slow down, and possibly use a lubricant.
Slow down, and possibly use a lubricant.
- You know you"re Taliban if...
- You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer.
- You own a 3000 quid machine gun and 5000 quid rocket launcher, but you can"t afford shoes.
- You have more wives than teeth.
- You wipe your butt with your bare left hand, but consider bacon "unclean."
- You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.
- You can"t think of anyone you HAVEN"T declared Jihad against.
- You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.
- You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.
- You"ve often uttered the phrase, "I love what you"ve done with your cave."
- You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least one.
- You bathe at least monthly whether necessary or not.
- You"ve ever had a crush on your neighbour"s goat.