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Off Topic Jokes thread

Discussion in 'Portsmouth' started by devonFRATTONiser, Jan 25, 2015.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #8381
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 8, 2018
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  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #8382
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 8, 2018
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  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I cannot believe it's 12 weeks til pancake day, and already the shops are selling flour and eggs.....
     
    #8383
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 8, 2018
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  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #8384
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 9, 2018
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  5. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    • What do you call a Muslim having trouble breathing ?
    • Asma Attaq
     
    #8385
    antipodean exile, Dec 9, 2018
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  6. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    • What"s the best thing for a hangover?
    • Lots to drink the night before.
     
    #8386
    antipodean exile, Dec 9, 2018
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  7. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #8387
    antipodean exile, Dec 9, 2018
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  8. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #8388
    antipodean exile, Dec 9, 2018
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  9. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #8389
    antipodean exile, Dec 9, 2018
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  10. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #8390
    antipodean exile, Dec 9, 2018
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  11. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #8391
    antipodean exile, Dec 9, 2018
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  12. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #8392
    antipodean exile, Dec 9, 2018
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  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #8393
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 10, 2018
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  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Government Contracts!

    Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken wall at 10 Downing Street. One from London, another from Bristol and the third, Liverpool. They go with a government official to examine the wall.
    The London contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. 'Well', he says, 'I figure the job will run about £900: £400 for materials, £400 for my crew and £100 profit for me.'
    The Bristol contractor also does some measuring and figuring, and then says, I can do this job for £700: £300 for materials, £300 for my crew and £100 profit for me.'
    The Liverpool contractor doesn't measure or figure but leans over to the Government official and whispers, "£2,700."
    The official, incredulous, says, 'You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?'
    The Liverpool contractor whispers back, '£1000 for me, £1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Bristol to fix the wall.'
    'Done!' replies the government official.
    And that friends, ..... is how it all works.
     
    #8394
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 10, 2018
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  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #8395
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 10, 2018
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  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #8396
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 10, 2018
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  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #8397
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 10, 2018
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  18. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    • I went out for a meal last night and ordered everything in French.
    • I surprised everyone.
    • It was a Chinese Restaurant.
     
    #8398
    antipodean exile, Dec 10, 2018
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  19. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    • A woman runs into a police station shouting, "Grape! Grape!"
    • The policeman says, "don"t you mean rape, madam?"
    • The woman says, "no, there were bunch of them!"
     
    #8399
    antipodean exile, Dec 10, 2018
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  20. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #8400
    antipodean exile, Dec 11, 2018
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