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Off Topic Jokes thread

Discussion in 'Portsmouth' started by devonFRATTONiser, Jan 25, 2015.

  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Be careful people, fake notes doing the rounds......

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    #7701
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  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Heading down to the Autopsy Club later.

    It’s open Mike night.......
     
    #7702
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  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    My wife suggested we play doctors and nurses, so I put her on a trolley and ignored her for two days...
     
    #7705
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  6. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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  7. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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  8. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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  9. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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  10. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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  11. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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  12. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    • The English are worried about the Euro being brought in because of loss of national identity and rising prices.
    • In Scotland, people are just worried in case they have to close Poundstretcher.
     
    #7712
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  13. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    • An old man went up to a beautiful in a bikini and said..."I want to feel your tits....I"ll give you £10"
    • "Get away from me you dirty old man" she replied.
    • "OK let me feel your tits for £20 then" said the old guy.
    • "NO.. get away from me.! " she said loudly.
    • "Well what if I make it £50. will you let me feel your tits then?"
    • There was a few moments silence as the girl thought about the £50, then she came to her senses and said again..."No get away from me."
    • "Right...my final offer then." said the bloke, "A hundred pounds if you"ll let me feel your tits"
    • She considers this and thinks "Well he is old...and a hundred pounds would be very handy"....."OK, I"ll let you do it for a hundred, ....but only for a minute though." she answered.
    • She unclipped the hook at the front of her bikini and as the old guy filled his hands with her young firm breasts and began to fondle her , he started saying "OH MY GOD.....OH MY GOD...".over and over again.
    • A little amused, the girl asked "Why do you keep saying Oh my god?"
    • While he continued to feel her tits the old guy answered "OH MY GOD......Where am I ever going to get a hundred quid from???"
     
    #7713
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  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Just got back from Dubai where I was offered 40 camels for my wife.

    I normally smoke Benson & Hedges but hey....a deal's a deal.
     
    #7714
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  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #7715
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  16. Wooperts_duck

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    #7716
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  17. Wooperts_duck

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  18. Wooperts_duck

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    #7718
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  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    My wife must think I’m a God.

    Whenever she cooks, she places a burnt offering before me......
     
    #7719
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  20. antipodean exile

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