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Off Topic Jokes thread

Discussion in 'Portsmouth' started by devonFRATTONiser, Jan 25, 2015.

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  1. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    • Michael Jackson meets a young boy while walking around Neverland Ranch.
    • "would you like to see some magic",asks Michael.
    • "Sure",says the lad."Well for this trick you need to turn around,drop your pants and bend over",says Michael.
    • So the lad turns around,drops his pants and bends over.
    • Michael stands behind him and asks,"can you feel my finger going up your ass?".
    • "I can",replies the lad.
    • Michael then waves both hands in front of the lad and shouts "MAGIC".......
     
    #6861
    antipodean exile, Aug 12, 2018
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  2. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    • Q: How do you get a Muslim woman pregnant?
    • A: Dress her up as a goat.
     
    #6862
    antipodean exile, Aug 12, 2018
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  3. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    • I turned to the wife the other night and said "I"m going down the pub, get your coat"
    • "Thats nice, you gonna buy me a drink?" she asked.
    • "No, I"m turning the heating off"
     
    #6863
    antipodean exile, Aug 12, 2018
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  4. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #6864
    antipodean exile, Aug 12, 2018
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  5. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #6865
    antipodean exile, Aug 12, 2018
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  6. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #6866
    antipodean exile, Aug 12, 2018
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  7. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #6867
    antipodean exile, Aug 12, 2018
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  8. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #6868
    antipodean exile, Aug 12, 2018
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  9. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #6869
    antipodean exile, Aug 12, 2018
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  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6870
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 12, 2018
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  11. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #6871
    antipodean exile, Aug 12, 2018
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  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6872
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 12, 2018
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  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6873
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 12, 2018
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  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Breaking news:

    Due to a clerical error it turns out that Mike Ashley has actually spent £90 million on an apartment in Seattle.

    He's bought the house of Frasier
     
    #6874
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 12, 2018
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  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6875
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 12, 2018
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  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Just been stopped by the police.

    He said where were you between 7 and 11?

    I said junior school, where were you ?
     
    #6876
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 12, 2018
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  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6877
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 12, 2018
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  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6878
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 12, 2018
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  19. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    • A man says to his wife, "I fancy kinky sex, how about I blow my load in your ear?"
    • The wife hastily replies, "No, I might go deaf!"
    • To which the man replies, "I"ve been shooting my load in your mouth for the last 20 years and you"re still f*cking talking aren"t you?"
     
    #6879
    antipodean exile, Aug 13, 2018
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  20. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    • My ex-girlfriend tried to make me jealous by sucking off a midget.
    • To be honest, I thought it was a bit of a low blow.
     
    #6880
    antipodean exile, Aug 13, 2018
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