Off Topic Jokes thread

• A man walks into a service station bathroom and on his way in he slips on a piece of turd lying on the floor.
• He quickly gets back up, brushes himself down and makes his way to the urinals and whilst urinating he heard a scream and a thud and saw a man walking in looking annoyed and he said"I just slipped on that piece of turd in the hallway"
• The man at the urinal says "Oh I just did that"
• Then the other man smacks him and shouts "You dirty bastard"

 

• An old man walks into the local Cathedral and says to the rector, "I would like to join this fcuking church."
• The astonished rector replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?"
• "Listen, damn it. I said I want to join this fcuking church!"
• "I"m very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this church."
• The rector leaves his desk and goes into the bishop"s study to inform him of the situation.
• The Bishop agrees that the rector does not have to listen to that foul language.
• They both return to his office and the Bishop asks the old geezer, "Sir, what seems to be the problem here?"
• "There is no damn problem," the man says. "I just won 5 million quid on the fcuking lottery and I want to join this fcuking church to get rid of some of this fcuking money."
• "I see," said the Bishop, "and is this cnut giving you a hard time?"

 

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