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Off Topic Jokes thread

Discussion in 'Portsmouth' started by devonFRATTONiser, Jan 25, 2015.

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  1. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #6001
    antipodean exile, Jun 18, 2018
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  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6002
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 18, 2018
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  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Polish football fans on a rampage in Moscow. Police say over 300 cars have been washed, waxed and hoovered
     
    #6003
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 18, 2018
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  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    The ref in the England vs Tunisia match...

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    #6004
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 18, 2018
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  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6005
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 18, 2018
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  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6006
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 18, 2018
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  7. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    • I went to a bukakke party the other day..... '
    • I don"t know what came over me!
     
    #6007
    antipodean exile, Jun 19, 2018
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  8. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    • How did Michael Jackson pick his nose?
    • From a catalogue.
     
    #6008
    antipodean exile, Jun 19, 2018
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  9. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #6009
    antipodean exile, Jun 19, 2018
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  10. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #6010
    antipodean exile, Jun 19, 2018
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  11. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #6011
    antipodean exile, Jun 19, 2018
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  12. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #6012
    antipodean exile, Jun 19, 2018
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  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Another angle of that challenge on Harry Kane!

     
    #6013
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 19, 2018
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  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6014
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 19, 2018
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  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I went to the Patent office to register some of my camping inventions. I went to the main desk to sign in and the lady at the desk had a form that had to be filled out. She wrote down my personal info and then asked me what I had invented.
    I said, "A folding bottle."
    She said, "Okay, what do you call it?"
    "A Fottle."
    "What else do you have?"
    "I have also invented a folding carton."
    Again she said, "what do you call it?"
    "A Farton."
    She sniggered and said, "Those are silly names for products, and one of them sounds kind of crude."
    I was so upset by her comment that I grabbed the form and left the office without even telling her about my folding bucket
     
    #6015
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 19, 2018
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  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I got cut up by a taxi driver last week.
    I was walking through town today and I saw him at the back of the queue at the taxi rank.
    I got in the first taxi in the queue and said "How much to the station ?"
    "£5" said the driver. "And how much for a blow job ?" I asked him.
    "That's disgusting" he said "Get out of my cab"
    I got in the second taxi and said "How much to the station ?".
    "£5" said the driver. "And how much for a blow job ?" I asked him.
    "I'm not having any of that" he said "Get out of my cab"
    I worked my way down the line, getting thrown out of each taxi in turn, until I came to my target at the back of the queue.
    "How much to the station ?". "£5" said the driver.
    "Ok" I said "Let's go"
    As we pulled out and overtook the other taxis I wound the window down and gave all the other drivers a thumbs up with a big grin on my face!!..
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    #6016
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 19, 2018
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  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6017
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 19, 2018
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  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6018
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 19, 2018
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  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6019
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 19, 2018
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  20. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    • How do you get 12 Scousers in a Volkswagen?
    • Throw in a welfare cheque.
    • How do you get them out?
    • Throw in a job application.
     
    #6020
    antipodean exile, Jun 20, 2018
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