Off Topic Jokes thread

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My new girlfriend has just seen me in Asda stacking up boxes of washing powder.

She screamed "You lying toad - you told me you were a pilot in the Red Arrows".

I said "No I didn't....I told you I was a member of the Ariel display team".
 
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  • Bloated, gassy feeling in your stomach with acidic belching.
  • Been for a piss four times already, and you"re not even tipsy yet.
  • Weird metallic taste in your mouth, even though you watched the barmaid pour it on draught.
  • Hungover the next day, even though you were still perfectly coherent and co-ordinated when you went to bed.
  • Carlsberg do do lager...
 
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