I'm not saying my mate has a camp walk, but recently I tied his shoe laces together as a joke and he didn't even notice!
A firefighter was working on the engine outside the station, when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon, with little ladders hung off the sides, and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle. The girl was wearing a firefighter's helmet. The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat. The firefighter walked over to take a closer look. "That sure is a nice fire truck." The firefighter said, with admiration. "Thanks." the girl replied. The firefighter looked a little closer,the girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles. "Little partner," the firefighter said, "I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster. " The little girl replied thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then, I wouldn't have a siren!"
"Murder on the Orient Express" premiered in London on Thursday night. ISIS have already claimed responsibility.
Me and a few friends went out for a meal the other week, we all decided we would try the duck... I always seem to get stuck with the bill.
They reckon that two-thirds of all the women in the world would rather have a meal than have sex The other third would rather have a headache and make a fcuking meal of it!
Paddy asks Murphy if he wants any ***s when he goes on his holidays. Murphy says "Yeah, cheers mate get me 200 Bensons." Two weeks later Paddy comes home, sees Murphy in the pub and says, "I got your ***s, you owe me sixty-eight quid." "For fcuk"s sake," said Murphy, "where did you go on holiday?" Paddy says, "Butlins."
My wife asked me to go to the doctors and get something to help us with my sex drive.... You should have seen the look on her face when i handed her some slimming tablets...
