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Off Topic Jokes thread

Discussion in 'Portsmouth' started by devonFRATTONiser, Jan 25, 2015.

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  1. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #27341
    antipodean exile, Jul 1, 2023
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  2. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #27342
    antipodean exile, Jul 1, 2023
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  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Switch laptop on this evening, and lo and behold, appears to be back to normal !!
     
    #27343
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 1, 2023
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  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #27344
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 1, 2023
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  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #27345
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 2, 2023
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  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    If Whoopie Goldberg married Peter Cushing she'd be Whoopie Cushing
    If Isla Fisher married Barry White she'd be Isla White
    If Beyonce Knowles married Roy Castle she'd be Beyonce Castle
    If William Shatner married Stevie Nicks, she'd be Stevie Shatner Nicks
    If Carrie Fisher married Phil Oakey, she'd be Carrie Oakey
     
    #27346
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 3, 2023
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  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #27347
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 3, 2023
  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #27348
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 3, 2023
  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I got mugged by six dwarves last night.

    .................. Not Happy
     
    #27349
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 4, 2023
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  10. devonFRATTONiser

    devonFRATTONiser Well-Known Member
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    Worthy of a thread of its own <party>
     
    #27350
    devonFRATTONiser, Jul 7, 2023
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  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    My son took his first steps this morning.

    The window cleaner was furious.......
     
    #27351
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 8, 2023
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  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    It's happened again <doh> <grr> Can't copy & paste yet again.......
     
    #27352
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 12, 2023
  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    If there are any BBC presenters reading this, I'm happy to send you a picture of my arse for 5 grand.

    Please message me for bank details.....
     
    #27353
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 12, 2023
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  14. devonFRATTONiser

    devonFRATTONiser Well-Known Member
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    The Missus has asked for something silky for her birthday.

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    No doubt this tin of emulsion will be the wrong F***ing colour
     
    #27354
    devonFRATTONiser, Jul 16, 2023
    antipodean exile, Wooperts_duck and Number 1 Jasper like this.
  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I was in our local car park, and I saw a car parked with a bumper sticker that said "I miss Liverpool".

    So, I smashed a window, nicked the radio, and left a note saying "I hope this helps!"......
     
    #27355
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 17, 2023
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  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Some Egyptian bloke just pulled up in a BMW, beeped his horn and bared his naked arse out of the window.

    Bloody toot and car moon.......
     
    #27356
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 24, 2023
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  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Winalot have just announced bankruptcy.

    They have called in the retrievers.....
     
    #27357
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 1, 2023
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  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #27358
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 4, 2023
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  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #27359
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 4, 2023
  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #27360
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 4, 2023
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