Good luck getting his dimwit **** bucket to move to Sunderland... I seen her in M&S once in town in the food hall 'on her phone' apart from the fact that no known person has ever got a single bar of signal in that concrete bunker, she looked like she'd just finished a shift as a human toilet brush in Belle Vue Greyhound track bogs.
She's thick as **** obviously, that's no secret... there's a fairly decent chance she probably thinks Sunderland is in the Med.

I love your description of her.
Cracking pair of bazookas on her though.