Off Topic How do you handle terminal news?

[Ozzymac]

Terrible news mate, going through similar at the moment with the mother in law.

Spread from the ovaries to kidneys, liver, spleen and brain so far.

Youngest is 21 but he's been rocked by it pretty hard as she was a 2nd mum to him. Father in law is in denial as he can't bear the thought of being without her. We had no choice but to tell our lad as we have been led to believe that she may only have 6 weeks left, 8 if we're lucky.

There's no right way or wrong way as all people regardless of age will react differently. The hardest part i've found is trying to be strong for everyone else when you're hurting yourself but you do it.

 

[master-simpson]

Ooooofffft that’s an awful lot for you to deal with, and I don’t envy you having to tell the kids.
There’s already some pretty good advice on here, so all I can offer you is my prayers for you and your family.

Bart

 

[C19RK73]

I would also like to add that those that are going through or have been through similar my heart goes out to you, my wife’s mam was diagnosed with bowel cancer in November 2001 and was gone by Jan 2002 so we know first hand how quick this vile disease can take people

 

[Ozzymac]

I would also like to add that those that are going through or have been through similar my heart goes out to you, my wife’s mam was diagnosed with bowel cancer in November 2001 and was gone by Jan 2002 so we know first hand how quick this vile disease can take people

My mother in law was diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian 6 weeks ago now.

She was fit and healthy and thought she had a urinary tract infection. Turns out it was a little more than that.

She is still lucid and sometime in the next few days she has to decide whether she want's to continue chemo or just go palliative. Doctors have said ba=est case scenario if she recommences chemo she may get another 4 or 5 weeks.

 

[Whittylad]

My mother in law was diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian 6 weeks ago now.

She was fit and healthy and thought she had a urinary tract infection. Turns out it was a little more than that.

She is still lucid and sometime in the next few days she has to decide whether she want's to continue chemo or just go palliative. Doctors have said ba=est case scenario if she recommences chemo she may get another 4 or 5 weeks.

That's horrific. Thinking of you and all your family. Take care.

 

[Snaggey]

Lost both my parents to different forms of cancer.
Mother in law diagnosed with throat cancer in January and gone in March.

I work at the Marie Curie hospice in Newcastle, so see every day what this horrible, indiscriminate, twat of a disease can do.

Thoughts are with you all.

 

[Smug in Boots]

My mam is terminal, kidney, lung, thyroid, adrenal gland, back, lymph nodes, we’ve only just lost @grandpops my sister is critically Ill also, why is life so ****ty?

I don’t know what to say to my kids

Life is unfair mate, none of us are immune from tragedy.

All I would say is that the people you mention have lived their lives, enjoyed your company and had joy.

Better that than to die young as many do for no good reason.

It's a lesson to us all, your bairns included, that we should make the most of whatever time we have here.

God bless you mate, I know this is tough but there'll come a time when you can look back at everyone you've lost with a smile.

That's how we all get through this, it's what we do.

 

[Oliver's Army]

Be as honest as you can be mate (I don't know the ages of the little ones).it's awful to be told that, absolutely horrible. There will be support people to get in touch with if that would help? I'll be honest, I had cancer at aged 18 and I thought I was bulletproof (physically). Incorrect (I was pretty ****ed). Keep a close eye on how they are doing mentally, just talk to them and see how they are doing. Talking helps a lot. All the best mate.

 

[TonyG]

Thank you all for your kind words, my eldest 14 said ok, my youngest 13 said so that makes her very Poorly then, just have to take it from there

That’s exactly what my son would say but he’s very good at shielding his feelings so keep an eye, he might sometimes speak out about unrelated things like characters in a game or film dying but it’s probably him working out his feelings.

Thoughts are with you and your family mate.

 

[TonyG]

Life is unfair mate, none of us are immune from tragedy.

All I would say is that the people you mention have lived their lives, enjoyed your company and had joy.

Better that than to die young as many do for no good reason.

It's a lesson to us all, your bairns included, that we should make the most of whatever time we have here.

God bless you mate, I know this is tough but there'll come a time when you can look back at everyone you've lost with a smile.

That's how we all get through this, it's what we do.

People ask what is the meaning of life ?

I probably agree with those that say that it’s love, love for ya family, for ya wife, husband, partner, for your pets, for the job you do, for the people you help, for the help you get from people (and there’s much more).

But the meaning of life is not always happy. How can you appreciate the happiness of love without the pain of love as well, we do lose those things, people and ways of life we love but as long as we remember those things and people we’ll always have that love.

There are places I'll remember
All my life though some have changed
Some forever, not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All these places have their moments
With lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I've loved them all

 

[Smug in Boots]

Where do they go, all the lessons I've learned
The people I've loved and the bridges I've burned
The places I've lived and the things that I've seen
The changes I've made and the people I've been.

The son and the father, the uncle the brother
The help to my friends and the love to my mother

All will be lost in the passage of time
Lost like the steps of the stairs that we climb
Onwards and upwards through life's joy and tears
With hope that we've all made the best of those years

All we can wish is that we've given our best
As we lay down our head for our life's final rest

 

[flandersmackem]

Thoughts and prayers with you and family mate...but as others have said, be honest, its the only way, I've had similar situations and honesty is without doubt the best way to deal with it, Kids have an amazing ability to process information. But good luck

 

[Smug in Boots]

Thoughts and prayers with you and family mate...but as others have said, be honest, its the only way, I've had similar situations and honesty is without doubt the best way to deal with it, Kids have an amazing to process information. But good luck

I'd agree with that mate, amazing is the word.

 

[one gary owers]

Been debating a long time wether I should contribute to this thread , after taking advice was told to post well my life really or the latter part of it
Been watching this thread and don’t know wether to join in or not.
Some may not like what has happened to me. No that not the way to put it,that’s why I am struggling on what to do.
Nine year gone April I had a golf ball sized lump in my right arm pit went to see the DR booked me in to Darlington hospital to remove it. I just thought it was a blocked sweat gland.
Two days later was called to hospital and was told it was cancerous. Malignant Melanoma.
I had to have all my lymph nodes removed in my right arm pit and was booked into Durham hospital in four days.
I don’t think I was sober till I went in.
They removed the nodes then had to wait about four month to see jf it was a success.
Had CT and PET scans unfortunately the melanoma had moved onto my lungs three spot on my right lung and two on my left.
I was told I was fortunate it was Braf- and there was treatment for it.
I was sent to the Freeman hospital and saw a DR Kelly ( the ****ing fat ginger bastard my wife called him. First time I heard her use the f word ) he told us the Vemurafanib tablets would slow the cancer but in about three years it would find a way round it and that would be it.
When my cancer nurse phoned up to find out how it went repeated it to her never saw the fat ginger bastard again.
That the back ground information for you.
Five years latter I asked how am I still here was told I was one of seven who had lasted this long.
Was scared to ask more questions.
April gone nine years after being first diagnosed,just after a recent scan was told the cancer was no longer there and I could stop taking Vemurafanib , at first I said no ( it was my crutch that kept me alive ) but when I researched and found a man in Auckland New Zealand had had the same result .
I took all the family sons wives grandchildren away to tell them.
Lots of tears I can tell you , filling up just writing this
But I don’t know how to bring it into the terminal thread.

 

[rooch 3]

Been debating a long time wether I should contribute to this thread , after taking advice was told to post well my life really or the latter part of it
Been watching this thread and don’t know wether to join in or not.
Some may not like what has happened to me. No that not the way to put it,that’s why I am struggling on what to do.
Nine year gone April I had a golf ball sized lump in my right arm pit went to see the DR booked me in to Darlington hospital to remove it. I just thought it was a blocked sweat gland.
Two days later was called to hospital and was told it was cancerous. Malignant Melanoma.
I had to have all my lymph nodes removed in my right arm pit and was booked into Durham hospital in four days.
I don’t think I was sober till I went in.
They removed the nodes then had to wait about four month to see jf it was a success.
Had CT and PET scans unfortunately the melanoma had moved onto my lungs three spot on my right lung and two on my left.
I was told I was fortunate it was Braf- and there was treatment for it.
I was sent to the Freeman hospital and saw a DR Kelly ( the ****ing fat ginger bastard my wife called him. First time I heard her use the f word ) he told us the Vemurafanib tablets would slow the cancer but in about three years it would find a way round it and that would be it.
When my cancer nurse phoned up to find out how it went repeated it to her never saw the fat ginger bastard again.
That the back ground information for you.
Five years latter I asked how am I still here was told I was one of seven who had lasted this long.
Was scared to ask more questions.
April gone nine years after being first diagnosed,just after a recent scan was told the cancer was no longer there and I could stop taking Vemurafanib , at first I said no ( it was my crutch that kept me alive ) but when I researched and found a man in Auckland New Zealand had had the same result .
I took all the family sons wives grandchildren away to tell them.
Lots of tears I can tell you , filling up just writing this
But I don’t know how to bring it into the terminal thread.

Brilliant mate, that’s made my night.

 

[Snaggey]

Been debating a long time wether I should contribute to this thread , after taking advice was told to post well my life really or the latter part of it
Been watching this thread and don’t know wether to join in or not.
Some may not like what has happened to me. No that not the way to put it,that’s why I am struggling on what to do.
Nine year gone April I had a golf ball sized lump in my right arm pit went to see the DR booked me in to Darlington hospital to remove it. I just thought it was a blocked sweat gland.
Two days later was called to hospital and was told it was cancerous. Malignant Melanoma.
I had to have all my lymph nodes removed in my right arm pit and was booked into Durham hospital in four days.
I don’t think I was sober till I went in.
They removed the nodes then had to wait about four month to see jf it was a success.
Had CT and PET scans unfortunately the melanoma had moved onto my lungs three spot on my right lung and two on my left.
I was told I was fortunate it was Braf- and there was treatment for it.
I was sent to the Freeman hospital and saw a DR Kelly ( the ****ing fat ginger bastard my wife called him. First time I heard her use the f word ) he told us the Vemurafanib tablets would slow the cancer but in about three years it would find a way round it and that would be it.
When my cancer nurse phoned up to find out how it went repeated it to her never saw the fat ginger bastard again.
That the back ground information for you.
Five years latter I asked how am I still here was told I was one of seven who had lasted this long.
Was scared to ask more questions.
April gone nine years after being first diagnosed,just after a recent scan was told the cancer was no longer there and I could stop taking Vemurafanib , at first I said no ( it was my crutch that kept me alive ) but when I researched and found a man in Auckland New Zealand had had the same result .
I took all the family sons wives grandchildren away to tell them.
Lots of tears I can tell you , filling up just writing this
But I don’t know how to bring it into the terminal thread.

I'm pleased you did post it, even if its just to talk about it.
There are so many variables to this twat of a disease, its good to hear different stories, and strange as this may sound, I find stories like yours very inspirational.

Wishing you the best of health for the future.

 

[one gary owers]

Just one final point since I was diagnosed with it been on two lots of tablets for anxiety I found it hard to make a decision. Talking on the phone gave me a nervous cough . All tablets chucked away now but still have the weakness and struggle walking. But I am still here
Cheers smug for giving me the confidence to post it

 

[TonyG]

Been debating a long time wether I should contribute to this thread , after taking advice was told to post well my life really or the latter part of it
Been watching this thread and don’t know wether to join in or not.
Some may not like what has happened to me. No that not the way to put it,that’s why I am struggling on what to do.
Nine year gone April I had a golf ball sized lump in my right arm pit went to see the DR booked me in to Darlington hospital to remove it. I just thought it was a blocked sweat gland.
Two days later was called to hospital and was told it was cancerous. Malignant Melanoma.
I had to have all my lymph nodes removed in my right arm pit and was booked into Durham hospital in four days.
I don’t think I was sober till I went in.
They removed the nodes then had to wait about four month to see jf it was a success.
Had CT and PET scans unfortunately the melanoma had moved onto my lungs three spot on my right lung and two on my left.
I was told I was fortunate it was Braf- and there was treatment for it.
I was sent to the Freeman hospital and saw a DR Kelly ( the ****ing fat ginger bastard my wife called him. First time I heard her use the f word ) he told us the Vemurafanib tablets would slow the cancer but in about three years it would find a way round it and that would be it.
When my cancer nurse phoned up to find out how it went repeated it to her never saw the fat ginger bastard again.
That the back ground information for you.
Five years latter I asked how am I still here was told I was one of seven who had lasted this long.
Was scared to ask more questions.
April gone nine years after being first diagnosed,just after a recent scan was told the cancer was no longer there and I could stop taking Vemurafanib , at first I said no ( it was my crutch that kept me alive ) but when I researched and found a man in Auckland New Zealand had had the same result .
I took all the family sons wives grandchildren away to tell them.
Lots of tears I can tell you , filling up just writing this
But I don’t know how to bring it into the terminal thread.

Absolutely amazing. Stories like this are miracles. Me dads just been given the all clear with prostate cancer, had the whole thing out !

 

[John Wick]

My mam is terminal, kidney, lung, thyroid, adrenal gland, back, lymph nodes, we’ve only just lost @grandpops my sister is critically Ill also, why is life so ****ty?

I don’t know what to say to my kids

Ah mate, thoughts. x

 

[C19RK73]

Been debating a long time wether I should contribute to this thread , after taking advice was told to post well my life really or the latter part of it
Been watching this thread and don’t know wether to join in or not.
Some may not like what has happened to me. No that not the way to put it,that’s why I am struggling on what to do.
Nine year gone April I had a golf ball sized lump in my right arm pit went to see the DR booked me in to Darlington hospital to remove it. I just thought it was a blocked sweat gland.
Two days later was called to hospital and was told it was cancerous. Malignant Melanoma.
I had to have all my lymph nodes removed in my right arm pit and was booked into Durham hospital in four days.
I don’t think I was sober till I went in.
They removed the nodes then had to wait about four month to see jf it was a success.
Had CT and PET scans unfortunately the melanoma had moved onto my lungs three spot on my right lung and two on my left.
I was told I was fortunate it was Braf- and there was treatment for it.
I was sent to the Freeman hospital and saw a DR Kelly ( the ****ing fat ginger bastard my wife called him. First time I heard her use the f word ) he told us the Vemurafanib tablets would slow the cancer but in about three years it would find a way round it and that would be it.
When my cancer nurse phoned up to find out how it went repeated it to her never saw the fat ginger bastard again.
That the back ground information for you.
Five years latter I asked how am I still here was told I was one of seven who had lasted this long.
Was scared to ask more questions.
April gone nine years after being first diagnosed,just after a recent scan was told the cancer was no longer there and I could stop taking Vemurafanib , at first I said no ( it was my crutch that kept me alive ) but when I researched and found a man in Auckland New Zealand had had the same result .
I took all the family sons wives grandchildren away to tell them.
Lots of tears I can tell you , filling up just writing this
But I don’t know how to bring it into the terminal thread.

Brilliant mate