Bad Joke Thread - Volume 2

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As it's the close season I thought I might as well give this thread a bump.

Q: Why do 1p5wich fans plant potatoes round the edge of Portaloo Rd?

A: So they have Something to lift at the end of the season.

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Apparantly, 1p5wich Town football club is under investigation by the Inland Revenue for tax evasion.

- they've been claiming for Silver Polish for the past 40 years

Both shamelessly stolen from the Pinkun board ;)
 
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What’s the difference between a Prostitute and a drug dealer?

A Prostitute can wash her crack and resell it.

...........<sorry>
 
Jill goes home one night with a guy she met at a club. He's tall, dark and handsome, and seems different from most guys she meets. They arrive at his place and head straight to his room. Jill can't help but notice a shelf full of teddy bears. On the bottom are small teddy bears, on the middle are medium-sized teddy bears, and finally, on the top are large teddy bears, all lined up beside each other. She begins to think that he is sentimental and sweet, and isn't afraid to show it. Her heart melts and she want to give him the best night of his life. She proceeds to spend all night pleasuring him in every way possible! In the morning, she slowly gets dressed, and smiles at him and asks, "How was that?" He nods and says, "Not too bad at all. Help yourself to a prize from the second shelf!"
 
Hairy Mary Quite Canary said:
Jill goes home one night with a guy she met at a club. He's tall, dark and handsome, and seems different from most guys she meets. They arrive at his place and head straight to his room. Jill can't help but notice a shelf full of teddy bears. On the bottom are small teddy bears, on the middle are medium-sized teddy bears, and finally, on the top are large teddy bears, all lined up beside each other. She begins to think that he is sentimental and sweet, and isn't afraid to show it. Her heart melts and she want to give him the best night of his life. She proceeds to spend all night pleasuring him in every way possible! In the morning, she slowly gets dressed, and smiles at him and asks, "How was that?" He nods and says, "Not too bad at all. Help yourself to a prize from the second shelf!"
Click to expand...

That was brilliant!!!! <laugh>
 
This is my favourite joke of all time, though it works best in person:

There are 3 girls sitting at home with their mother, the first girl, called Lily, asks her mother "Mum, why did you call me Lily?"
Her mother replies "Well, when you were born, a Lily petal fell on your head, so we called you Lily"
The second girl, called Rose, asks the same question.
Her mother replies "A rose petal fell on your head when you were born, so we called you Rose"
Then the third girl says "Hurrrhurrhehuehrhrhruehhruehruhe!!"
"SHUT UP, FRIDGE!" The mother shouts!
 
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The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch.
At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted it on the apple tray:
'Take only ONE. God is watching.'
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
Someone had written a note; 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples....'
 
Just got back from my mate's funeral. He died after
being hit on the head with a tennis ball. It was a lovely service.

Bought some 'rocket salad' yesterday but it went off before I could eat it!

The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner.
Talk about Dyson with death.

19 paddies go to the cinema, the ticket lady asks "Why so many of you?
"Mick replies, "The film said 18 or over."

<sorry>
 
KIO said:
As it's the close season I thought I might as well give this thread a bump.

Q: Why do 1p5wich fans plant potatoes round the edge of Portaloo Rd?

A: So they have Something to lift at the end of the season.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Apparantly, 1p5wich Town football club is under investigation by the Inland Revenue for tax evasion.

- they've been claiming for Silver Polish for the past 40 years

Both shamelessly stolen from the Pinkun board ;)
Click to expand...



What do you call an only child from Norwich...................a virgin.
 
After the U21 performance....


What's the difference between a tea bag and an England team?

A tea bag stays in a cup longer!
 
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