Bad Joke Thread - Volume 2

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The Italian Lover, a virile middle aged Italian gentlemen named Guido was
relaxing at his favourite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a
spectacular young blond woman. Things progressed to the point where he led
her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his
bedroom where he rattled her senseless.

After a pleasant interlude, he asked with a smile, "So, you finish?" She
paused for a second, frowned, and replied. "No."

Surprised, Guido reached for her and the rattling resumed. This time she
thrashed about wildly and there were screams of passion. The sex finally
ended and, again, Guido smiled and asked, "You finish?"

Again, after a short pause, she returned his smile, cuddled closer to him
and softly said, "No."

Stunned, but damned if he was going to leave this woman unsatisfied, Guido
reached for the woman yet again. Using the last of his strength, he barely
managed it, but they ended together screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping
the bed sheets. Exhausted, Guido fell onto his back, gasping. Barely able
to turn his head, he looked into her eyes, smiled proudly and asked again,
"You finish??

Barely able to speak, the beautiful blonde whispered in his ear... "No, I
Norwegian."
 
A salesman goes up to a house and knocks on the front door. It's opened by a little ten year-old boy who has a lighted cigar in one hand, a glass of whisky in the other and a Penthouse magazine tucked under his arm.


Salesman: "Hello son. Is your mom or dad home?"


Little boy: "What the **** do you think?"
 
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A Paddy goes to the vet with his goldfish.
"I think it's got epilepsy," he tells the vet.
The vet takes a look and says, "It seems calm enough to me".
Paddy says, "Wait, I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet".
 
Paddy is walking past a building site and decides to apply for a job. He finds the foreman and asks if they have any vacancies.

"Yes" says the foreman. "But these days you can't just walk in and get a job, you need to show that you know about the trade, you'll have to answer some questions"

So they go into the site hut and the foreman says "Tell me the difference between a girder and a joist"

Paddy thinks for a few seconds . "Begod and bejasusm sure that's an easy one. Geothe wrote Faust and Joyce wrote Ulysses"
 
Guy goes to the shrink and the shrink says you have a duel personality.
Then the shrink says that will be 50 pounds for the visit.
The guy gives the shrink 25 pounds.
The shrink says where's the other 25 pounds.
The guy says get it from the other guy.
 
I kind of thought....I shouldn't click on this thread....then I did....I wish I didn't. Reminds me of an old friend of mine. He would be all over this thread with his guff. Unfortunately he's a Chelsea fan, so he wont chip in.

We aren't friends anymore...
 
Paddy see's Murphy walking down the road with a sack over his shoulder,
what's in the sack ask's Paddy, chicken's replies Murphy.
Paddy says to Murphy, if I can guess how many chickens you've got in there can I have one?
Murphy says if you can guess right you can have both of them!
 
Every day, a male employee walks up very close to a
female co-worker at the coffee machine.
He stops, inhales quite deeply and says that her hair smells nice.
After a week of this, the woman can't stand it anymore.

She takes her issue to a supervisor in Human Resources
and asks to file a sexual harassment grievance against the guy.
The supervisor is puzzled and asks, "What's threatening about
a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?"

"It's Frank, The midget."
 
Paddy shouting frantically into the phone "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor."No", Paddy shouts, "this is her husband!"
 
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