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Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite
- Thread starter Smug in Boots
- Start date
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> Why Sharks Circle You Before Attacking
>
> Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a ship that had sunk.
> "Follow me son", the father shark said to his son, and they swam to the survivors.
>
> "First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing." And they did.
>
> "Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing." And they did.
>
> "Now we eat everybody." And they did.
>
> When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat them? Why did we swim around and around them?"
>
> His wise father replied, "Because they taste better without the **** inside!"
>
> Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a ship that had sunk.
> "Follow me son", the father shark said to his son, and they swam to the survivors.
>
> "First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing." And they did.
>
> "Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing." And they did.
>
> "Now we eat everybody." And they did.
>
> When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat them? Why did we swim around and around them?"
>
> His wise father replied, "Because they taste better without the **** inside!"
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. "What are you doing?" She asked. "Hunting flies he responded." O have you killed any yet she asked. "Yep. 3 males 2 females" he replied. Intrigued she asked "how can you tell them
apart?" He responded, "3 were on a beer can, and 2 were on the f*****g phone !
apart?" He responded, "3 were on a beer can, and 2 were on the f*****g phone !
Paddy phones an ambulance because his mate's been hit by a car.
Paddy: 'Get an ambulance here quick, he's bleeding from his nose and ears and
I tink both his legs are broken.'
Operator: 'What is your location sir?'
Paddy: 'Outside number 28 Eucalyptus Street.'
Operator: 'How do you spell that sir?'
Silence.... and after a minute.
Operator: 'Are you there sir?'
More silence and another minute later.
Operator: 'Sir, can you hear me?'
This goes on for another few minutes until....
Operator: 'Sir, please answer me. Can you still hear me?'
Paddy: 'Yes, sorry bout dat... I couldn&[HASHTAG]#8217[/HASHTAG];t spell eucalyptus, so I just dragged him
round to number 3 Oak Street.'
Paddy: 'Get an ambulance here quick, he's bleeding from his nose and ears and
I tink both his legs are broken.'
Operator: 'What is your location sir?'
Paddy: 'Outside number 28 Eucalyptus Street.'
Operator: 'How do you spell that sir?'
Silence.... and after a minute.
Operator: 'Are you there sir?'
More silence and another minute later.
Operator: 'Sir, can you hear me?'
This goes on for another few minutes until....
Operator: 'Sir, please answer me. Can you still hear me?'
Paddy: 'Yes, sorry bout dat... I couldn&[HASHTAG]#8217[/HASHTAG];t spell eucalyptus, so I just dragged him
round to number 3 Oak Street.'
FIFTY SHADES OF GREY BY PAM AYRES
The missus bought a Paperback,
down Shepton Mallet way,
I had a look inside her bag ...
T'was "Fifty Shades of Grey".
Well I just left her to it,
and at ten I went to bed.
An hour later she appeared
The sight filled me with dread.
In her left hand she held a rope
and in her right a whip!
She threw them down upon the floor,
and then began to strip.
Well fifty years or so ago
I might have had a peek
but Mabel hasn't weathered well
She's eighty four next week !
Watching Mabel bump and grind
Could not have been much grimmer
and things then went from bad to worse
She toppled off her Zimmer!
She struggled back upon her feet
a couple minutes later
She put her teeth back in and said
"I am a dominator !"
Now if you knew our Mabel,
You'd see just why I spluttered,
I'd spent two months in traction
For the last complaint I'd uttered.
She stood there nude and naked
Bent forward just a bit
I went to hold her, sensual like
and stood on her left tit !
Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out
My God what had I done !
She moaned and groaned, then shouted out:
"Step on the other one !"
Well readers, I can tell no more
Of what occurred that day.
Suffice to say my jet black hair,
Turned fifty shades of grey !
The missus bought a Paperback,
down Shepton Mallet way,
I had a look inside her bag ...
T'was "Fifty Shades of Grey".
Well I just left her to it,
and at ten I went to bed.
An hour later she appeared
The sight filled me with dread.
In her left hand she held a rope
and in her right a whip!
She threw them down upon the floor,
and then began to strip.
Well fifty years or so ago
I might have had a peek
but Mabel hasn't weathered well
She's eighty four next week !
Watching Mabel bump and grind
Could not have been much grimmer
and things then went from bad to worse
She toppled off her Zimmer!
She struggled back upon her feet
a couple minutes later
She put her teeth back in and said
"I am a dominator !"
Now if you knew our Mabel,
You'd see just why I spluttered,
I'd spent two months in traction
For the last complaint I'd uttered.
She stood there nude and naked
Bent forward just a bit
I went to hold her, sensual like
and stood on her left tit !
Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out
My God what had I done !
She moaned and groaned, then shouted out:
"Step on the other one !"
Well readers, I can tell no more
Of what occurred that day.
Suffice to say my jet black hair,
Turned fifty shades of grey !
C
Chunksafc
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Top draw that one Gordon, well sourced, hats off to you.
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Oh the Grand Old Duke of York he had 20 million quid. He gave it to an American girl for something ''He Never Did!
PRICES UP AGAIN I SEE
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