> Why Sharks Circle You Before Attacking > > Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a ship that had sunk. > "Follow me son", the father shark said to his son, and they swam to the survivors. > > "First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing." And they did. > > "Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing." And they did. > > "Now we eat everybody." And they did. > > When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat them? Why did we swim around and around them?" > > His wise father replied, "Because they taste better without the **** inside!"
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. "What are you doing?" She asked. "Hunting flies he responded." O have you killed any yet she asked. "Yep. 3 males 2 females" he replied. Intrigued she asked "how can you tell them apart?" He responded, "3 were on a beer can, and 2 were on the f*****g phone !
Paddy phones an ambulance because his mate's been hit by a car. Paddy: 'Get an ambulance here quick, he's bleeding from his nose and ears and I tink both his legs are broken.' Operator: 'What is your location sir?' Paddy: 'Outside number 28 Eucalyptus Street.' Operator: 'How do you spell that sir?' Silence.... and after a minute. Operator: 'Are you there sir?' More silence and another minute later. Operator: 'Sir, can you hear me?' This goes on for another few minutes until.... Operator: 'Sir, please answer me. Can you still hear me?' Paddy: 'Yes, sorry bout dat... I couldn’t spell eucalyptus, so I just dragged him round to number 3 Oak Street.'
FIFTY SHADES OF GREY BY PAM AYRES The missus bought a Paperback, down Shepton Mallet way, I had a look inside her bag ... T'was "Fifty Shades of Grey". Well I just left her to it, and at ten I went to bed. An hour later she appeared The sight filled me with dread. In her left hand she held a rope and in her right a whip! She threw them down upon the floor, and then began to strip. Well fifty years or so ago I might have had a peek but Mabel hasn't weathered well She's eighty four next week ! Watching Mabel bump and grind Could not have been much grimmer and things then went from bad to worse She toppled off her Zimmer! She struggled back upon her feet a couple minutes later She put her teeth back in and said "I am a dominator !" Now if you knew our Mabel, You'd see just why I spluttered, I'd spent two months in traction For the last complaint I'd uttered. She stood there nude and naked Bent forward just a bit I went to hold her, sensual like and stood on her left tit ! Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out My God what had I done ! She moaned and groaned, then shouted out: "Step on the other one !" Well readers, I can tell no more Of what occurred that day. Suffice to say my jet black hair, Turned fifty shades of grey !
Oh the Grand Old Duke of York he had 20 million quid. He gave it to an American girl for something ''He Never Did!
