Off Topic The offical: Jokes THREAD

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This is Anfield said:
Sky news today. They drive better than men. In my over thirty years of driving women are the most reckless
drivers. Sometime when women drive me, I have to warn them about speed limits and so on..
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dunno.. My sister is woeful. I'm not great with passengers as they distract me. Otherwise i don't have issues she on the other hand is a notorious tailgater and has had 4/5 accidents at roundabouts


Women drivers.... they in general are not better or worse than men. I feel these stats are too broad as frankly men are dragged down by the 18 year olds with Subaru etc that ruin our insurance bills.

Also.. the general evidence of our eyes is the cars you see with big dents from reversing into bollards or scrapes all down the sides are driven by women.
 
GRANNIES ON THE ROAD This could be some of us in a few years....or even now?

Sitting on the side of the road waiting to catch speeding drivers a state trooper sees a car puttering along at 22 mph. He thinks to himself, "This driver is as dangerous as a speeder!"

So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five elderly ladies - two in the front seat and three in the back, wide-eyed and white as ghosts.

The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand. I was going the exact speed limit. What seem s to be the problem?"

The trooper, trying to contain a chuckle, explains to her that 22 was the route number, not the speed limit.

A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.

"But before you go, Ma'am, I have to ask, is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken."

"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute, officer. We just got off Route
 
This is Anfield said:
GRANNIES ON THE ROAD This could be some of us in a few years....or even now?

Sitting on the side of the road waiting to catch speeding drivers a state trooper sees a car puttering along at 22 mph. He thinks to himself, "This driver is as dangerous as a speeder!"

So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five elderly ladies - two in the front seat and three in the back, wide-eyed and white as ghosts.

The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand. I was going the exact speed limit. What seem s to be the problem?"

The trooper, trying to contain a chuckle, explains to her that 22 was the route number, not the speed limit.

A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.

"But before you go, Ma'am, I have to ask, is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken."

"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute, officer. We just got off Route 69!"
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Fixed?
 
Gerrez said:
Insurance companies seem to think females are safer drivers <whistle>
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you know why don't you?

the evidence is all around us. they don't claim for all the bangs and dents they create and you can see them driving about with the wings torn all up or doors caved in
 
This is Anfield said:
GRANNIES ON THE ROAD This could be some of us in a few years....or even now?

Sitting on the side of the road waiting to catch speeding drivers a state trooper sees a car puttering along at 22 mph. He thinks to himself, "This driver is as dangerous as a speeder!"

So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five elderly ladies - two in the front seat and three in the back, wide-eyed and white as ghosts.

The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand. I was going the exact speed limit. What seem s to be the problem?"

The trooper, trying to contain a chuckle, explains to her that 22 was the route number, not the speed limit.

A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.

"But before you go, Ma'am, I have to ask, is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken."

"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute, officer. We just got off Route
Click to expand...

I don't care. If they're German, I'll **** them anywhere <laugh>
 
This is Anfield said:
GRANNIES ON THE ROAD This could be some of us in a few years....or even now?

Sitting on the side of the road waiting to catch speeding drivers a state trooper sees a car puttering along at 22 mph. He thinks to himself, "This driver is as dangerous as a speeder!"

So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five elderly ladies - two in the front seat and three in the back, wide-eyed and white as ghosts.

The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand. I was going the exact speed limit. What seem s to be the problem?"

The trooper, trying to contain a chuckle, explains to her that 22 was the route number, not the speed limit.

A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.

"But before you go, Ma'am, I have to ask, is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken."

"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute, officer. We just got off Route
Click to expand...

<yikes> I repeat: where the **** to you get this stuff from?
 
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Three prisoners are standing in jail when a new inmate walks in.

He goes up to the first prisoner and asks, "What are you in for?"

The first prisoner answers, "Armed robbery."

The new prisoner says, "Oh, shame you got caught!"

He then approaches the second prisoner and proceeds to ask him what he is in for.

The second prisoner says, "Rape."

This newcomer again replies that he hopes he's out soon.

The third prisoner then says, "Hang on a minute, what are YOU in for?"

The new prisoner replies, "Oh, erm, I **** dogs."

The third prisoner says, "Oh, how low can you get?!"

The new prisoner replies, "Ooh, about as low as a Jack Russell..."
 
A bloke goes to see his doctor and says "I'm addicted to wife swapping."
Doctor replies "Interesting, and how does your wife feel?"
The bloke says "She's quite soft and cuddly, what about yours?"
 
A guy and his girlfriend went to commit suicide on top of 10 storey building so that God can officiate
their wedding in heaven.
The plan was to jump off the building at the same time at the count of three. So, after the count the guy
jumped off but the girl didn't jump. She looked back and said "though love is blind but I am not blind".
She then walked away. As the guy got to the air, he opened his parachute and said "though I am madly in
love, but not mad to die for love".
Your comments:
Who cheated?
Man or woman?
 
This is Anfield said:
A guy and his girlfriend went to commit suicide on top of 10 storey building so that God can officiate
their wedding in heaven.
The plan was to jump off the building at the same time at the count of three. So, after the count the guy
jumped off but the girl didn't jump. She looked back and said "though love is blind but I am not blind".
She then walked away. As the guy got to the air, he opened his parachute and said "though I am madly in
love, but not mad to die for love".
Your comments:
Who cheated?
Man or woman?
Click to expand...

Both obviously plastic as robbie fowler doesn't do weddings
 
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