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Mackem Jokes

Discussion in 'Newcastle United' started by Albert's Chip Shop, Oct 26, 2013.

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  1. Deletion Requested1

    Deletion Requested1 Well-Known Member

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    Apparently the Geordie lasses used to buy their knickers (well the one or two that actually wear them) at C & A so that they knew which way to put them on - since C & A closed they have to buy them at M & S
     
    #41
    Deletion Requested1, Oct 27, 2013
  2. Warmir Pouchov

    Warmir Pouchov Better than JPF

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    A Mackem fan walks into a pub with his dog just as the football scores come on the TV. The announcer says that Sunderland have lost 3-0 and the dog immediately rolls over on its back, sticks its paws in the air and plays dead.
    "That's amazing," says the barman, "what does he do when they win?"

    The Mackem Fan scratches his head for a couple of minutes and finally replies, "I dunno... I've only had the dog for eight months."
     
    #42
    Warmir Pouchov, Oct 27, 2013
  3. Deletion Requested1

    Deletion Requested1 Well-Known Member

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    Sorry guys made a mistake there should of read shoplift
     
    #43
    Deletion Requested1, Oct 27, 2013
  4. Warmir Pouchov

    Warmir Pouchov Better than JPF

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    A man's body was found in the Tyne yesterday. He was dressed in a Sunderland shirt, mini-skirt, fishnets, suspender belt, high heels and a dildo rammed up his arse.
    Police have removed the shirt to save the family embarrassment.
     
    #44
    Warmir Pouchov, Oct 27, 2013
  5. Warmir Pouchov

    Warmir Pouchov Better than JPF

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    Tell tale signs you are living in Sunderland:

    1. Your have a poster of Jimmy Savile smiling as a role model.

    2. You let your 12 year old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

    3. You've been married 3 times and still have the same in laws.

    4. The phrase "Thunderbirds are go!" reminds you the off licence has just opened.

    5. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

    6. One or more of your kids was born on a pool table.

    7. One or more of your kids was conceived on a pool table.

    8. You can't get married to your childhood sweetheart because of the current bestiality laws
     
    #45
    Warmir Pouchov, Oct 27, 2013
  6. Warmir Pouchov

    Warmir Pouchov Better than JPF

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    A man from Sunderland who appeared on the Embarrassing Bodies show, was delighted to find out that the red rash around his penis was only his sister's lipstick!
     
    #46
    Warmir Pouchov, Oct 27, 2013
  7. Warmir Pouchov

    Warmir Pouchov Better than JPF

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    News that they tried to talk him out with the offer of two Sunderland season tickets are thought to be the final straw.....
     
    #47
    Warmir Pouchov, Oct 27, 2013
  8. Warmir Pouchov

    Warmir Pouchov Better than JPF

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    I like to refer to my Missus as my 'Angel of the North' as she is from Sunderland and also because she is ****ing massive.
     
    #48
    Warmir Pouchov, Oct 27, 2013
  9. GeordieHalfbreed

    GeordieHalfbreed Well-Known Member

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    Sam Allardyce was in a press conference back in 2007, and was asked if he was concerned about the possibility of Titus Bramble joining rivals Sunderland on a free transfer (he eventually signed for Wigan).

    Sam replied: "No, I'm not worried. In fact, I think it will improve the average IQ of both teams"
     
    #49
    GeordieHalfbreed, Oct 27, 2013
  10. Albert's Chip Shop

    Albert's Chip Shop Top Grafter
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    What do you say to a Mackem in uniform?

    Big Mac and large fries please.
     
    #50
    Albert's Chip Shop, Oct 27, 2013

  11. Albert's Chip Shop

    Albert's Chip Shop Top Grafter
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    Q Whats the difference between a washing machine and a lass from sunderland
    A You can dump your load in a washing machine and it wont follow you around for a week.



    Q; What do you do if a Mackem throws a grenade at you?
    A: Pull the pin and throw it back.
     
    #51
    Albert's Chip Shop, Oct 27, 2013
  12. G Force 2-0 sparked pitch invasion

    G Force 2-0 sparked pitch invasion Member

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    Sunderland 2 Skunks 1

    That's funny!!!
     
    #52
    G Force 2-0 sparked pitch invasion, Oct 27, 2013
  13. Albert's Chip Shop

    Albert's Chip Shop Top Grafter
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    What's funnier is a guy who for over 5 months doesn't post... then suddenly makes his first post.... on a rivals board.
    Just saying like.
     
    #53
    Albert's Chip Shop, Oct 27, 2013
  14. Agent Bruce

    Agent Bruce Well-Known Member

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    Been a game on today has there?
     
    #54
    Agent Bruce, Oct 27, 2013
  15. bonnybobbypark

    bonnybobbypark Well-Known Member

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    x
     
    #55
    bonnybobbypark, Oct 27, 2013
  16. G Force 2-0 sparked pitch invasion

    G Force 2-0 sparked pitch invasion Member

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    You truly are unbelievable. Always on the Sunderland board trying to be "one of the lads". Truth is you can dish it out but can't take it. I think your Mackem Jokes thread just blew up in your face.
     
    #56
    G Force 2-0 sparked pitch invasion, Oct 27, 2013
  17. Agent Bruce

    Agent Bruce Well-Known Member

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    Best to let it go, you could end up being banned.
     
    #57
    Agent Bruce, Oct 27, 2013
  18. Albert's Chip Shop

    Albert's Chip Shop Top Grafter
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    You sad act.. you are soooo funny.
    Keep digging.




    PS-you must have missed my love in with Smug, Billy and MR lately.... :):):):)
     
    #58
    Albert's Chip Shop, Oct 27, 2013
  19. G Force 2-0 sparked pitch invasion

    G Force 2-0 sparked pitch invasion Member

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    Not as funny as your thread. He who laughs last laughs loudest
     
    #59
    G Force 2-0 sparked pitch invasion, Oct 27, 2013
  20. Albert's Chip Shop

    Albert's Chip Shop Top Grafter
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    Glass houses marrow...

    please log in to view this image


    Enjoy your win with class please :)
     
    #60
    Albert's Chip Shop, Oct 27, 2013
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