I’m fed up being asked at store checkouts if I’d like a bag for life. I’ve had one for 50 years, that’s life in anyone’s book.
HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY!!! 1. Make food; 2. Sleep with him; 3. Don't ask questions; 4. Leave him alone. HOW TO MAKE A WOMAN HAPPY: 1. Be Friends 2. Companion 3. Lover 4. Beautiful 5. Charming 6. Good in the kitchen 7. Atlético 8. Electrician 9. Plumber 10. Mechanic 11. Carpenter 12. Decorator 13. Stylist 15. Poet 16. Psychologist 17. Bug zapper 18. Psychiatrist 19. Good-natured 20. A good listener 21. Organizer 22. A good father 23. Smelly 24. Empathetic 25. Cult 26. Sensitive 27. Attentive 28. Seductive 29. Smart 30. Funny 31. Creative 32. Hot 33. Strong 34. Understanding 35. Tolerant 36. Prudent 37. Ambitious 38. Capable 39. Brave 40. Determined 41. True 42. Insurance 43. Check everything 44. Punching bag 45. Lonely without friends DON'T FORGET TO: 46. Praise often 47. Give gifts 48. Be honest 49. Opening the car door 50. Not to stress her 51. Don't look at other women. 52. Lift the toilet lid. 53. Being a computer teacher. 54. Don't snore. 55. Do not dry your feet with a towel. AND: 56. Never forget: * her birthday * dating anniversary * the anniversary of the first kiss * the anniversary of the first time they met *her mother's birthday * Valentine's Day and being faithful THEY HATE... 1. Who responds 2. Who remains silent 3. You lie to them 4. Be sincere 5. Worries 6. Who doesn't care 7. Be jealous 8. Don't be jealous BONUS: Never forget, even if you are right, you are always wrong.
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman arrived at a railway station in a state of inebriation just as the train was about to leave. A helpful porter managed to get The Englishman and The Scotsman aboard as The train pulled out, then he turned to the Irishman and said, 'I'm sorry, sir, that I couldn't get you aboard the train.' 'My friends will be sorry too,' said the Irishman, 'they just came to see me off.'
My artistic girlfriend likes to draw on my body. When she was sad, I’d give her my shoulder to crayon.
