I slipped the condom over my erect c*ck. Unrolling it down my shaft, while keeping eye-contact I said, "Yes, this fits. I'll take the packet."
Come down stairs this morning seen the wife cooking breakfast in her slippers.... I thought to my self I have to buy her a frying pan one day
I saved my mistress' phone number as 'LOW BATTERY'. Whenever she calls and I'm not around, the missus takes the phone and plugs it to the charger unknowingly.
The wife said that she wanted to have sex in the back of the car . . . . I got all excited until she said that she wanted me to drive