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Jokes

Discussion in 'Leeds United' started by ellandback, Jun 25, 2019.

Page 288 of 443
  1. oldschool

    oldschool Well-Known Member

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    bloke in the boozer said he has a guaranteed pick up line that never fails no matter how stunning or out of his league the woman is, he said he never fails to end up in the sack with them...he said he starts with "excuse me love could i ask your opinion? does this damp cloth smell of chloroform to you?"
     
    #5741
    oldschool, Jul 3, 2022
    wakeybreakyheart, Makemstine Roger and brisbane-lion like this.
  2. 2020VisionofLeeds

    2020VisionofLeeds Well-Known Member

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    I’ve reported you to the police.
     
    #5742
    2020VisionofLeeds, Jul 3, 2022
  3. oldschool

    oldschool Well-Known Member

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    Which dept.....pride :police:
     
    #5743
    oldschool, Jul 3, 2022
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  4. Brizzlewhite

    Brizzlewhite Well-Known Member

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    Some of these jokes are great but some are straight out of a christmas cracker.
     
    #5744
    Brizzlewhite, Jul 3, 2022
  5. Old Git

    Old Git Well-Known Member

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    #5745
    Old Git, Jul 3, 2022
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  6. oldschool

    oldschool Well-Known Member

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    Paddy and Seamus are watching the footy at Paddy's house, when the match has finished it's raining cats and dogs so paddy says " ya can't go home in that Seamus I'll make the spare bed up"......when paddy comes downstairs Seamus is stood there soaking wet, " what the feck happened Seamus".....he says "I went home to get my pyjamas"
     
    #5746
    oldschool, Jul 3, 2022
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  7. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #5747
    Makemstine Roger, Jul 3, 2022
    Brizzlewhite, FORZA LEEDS and Diego like this.
  8. oldschool

    oldschool Well-Known Member

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    a new irish restaurant has opened near me and the head chef is determined to dispel the jokes regarding irish cuisine....his first signature dish is going to be spud a'la orange
     
    #5748
    oldschool, Jul 4, 2022
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  9. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #5749
    Makemstine Roger, Jul 4, 2022
  10. Old Git

    Old Git Well-Known Member

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    B2CF7699-F1DE-4D05-8B64-C88AA78B9EFA.jpeg
     
    #5750
    Old Git, Jul 4, 2022
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  11. blonogasoven

    blonogasoven Well-Known Member

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    John F Kennedy, Indira Gandhi, John Lennon. If history teaches us anything it's if you don't want your child assassinated, don't name them after an airport
     
    #5751
    blonogasoven, Jul 5, 2022
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  12. brisbane-lion

    brisbane-lion Well-Known Member

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    Oh, my God!! <doh>
     
    #5752
    brisbane-lion, Jul 5, 2022
  13. Aski

    Aski Well-Known Member

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    #5753
    Aski, Jul 5, 2022
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  14. oldschool

    oldschool Well-Known Member

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    You really can't say anything these days without someone being offended, in the pub the other night a girl was on t.v. recalling her abusive start in life by an uncle she said "it all started around 8" I got some looks when all I said was "do we really need to know the time"
     
    #5754
    oldschool, Jul 5, 2022
  15. oldschool

    oldschool Well-Known Member

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    often wonder why you get large people in kfc asking for a party bucket and large fries and then have the front to ask for a diet coke
     
    #5755
    oldschool, Jul 5, 2022
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  16. OLOF

    OLOF Well-Known Member

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    IMG-20220705-WA0002.jpg
     
    #5756
    OLOF, Jul 5, 2022
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  17. xbpod

    xbpod Well-Known Member

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    IMG-20220705-WA0003.jpg
     
    #5757
    xbpod, Jul 5, 2022
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  18. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #5758
    Makemstine Roger, Jul 5, 2022
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  19. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #5759
    Makemstine Roger, Jul 5, 2022
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  20. OLOF

    OLOF Well-Known Member

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    IMG-20210917-WA0004.jpg
     
    #5760
    OLOF, Jul 5, 2022
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