You might have had a better reception had you offered her a toilet roll in these days of scarcity.
Off Topic And Now for Something Completely Different
- Thread starter Dr.Stanley O'Google, HCFC
- Start date
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Ok which one of you jokers posted the following comment in a paper's comments section for today's JimmyGreaves story?!!
"Big Cop8 Apr 2020 9:51AM
He was a great player, but he was no Billy Whitehurst."
"Big Cop8 Apr 2020 9:51AM
He was a great player, but he was no Billy Whitehurst."
A quick music quiz. Only a couple of questions so far...
1. Which Icelandic singer was named after a city in England?
A. Norwich
B. York
C. Leeds
2. Who sung 'Forget You'?
A. Can't remember
B. Pharrell Williams
C. Lo Green
1. Which Icelandic singer was named after a city in England?
A. Norwich
B. York
C. Leeds
2. Who sung 'Forget You'?
A. Can't remember
B. Pharrell Williams
C. Lo Green
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I suspect that is too hard to remember for most on here.
Bloke goes into a bar.
The barmaid asks him what he wants.
"I want to bury my head in your cleavage and lick off all the sweat from between your tits", he says.
..."You dirty pig!" shouts the barmaid, "get out before I get my husband."
The bloke apologises and promises not to repeat his gaffe. The Barmaid accepts this and asks him again what he wants. "I want to pull your pants down, spread yoghurt between the cheeks of your ass and lick it all off."
She says, "You dirty filthy pervert! You're banned. Get out!!"
Again, the bloke apologises and swears never ever to do it again. "One more chance," says the barmaid, "Now - what do you want?
"I want to turn you upside down, tear your knickers off and fill your pussy with Guinness, and then drink every last drop from the hairy cup."
The barmaid is furious at this personal intrusion, and runs upstairs to fetch her husband, who's sitting quietly watching the telly.
"What's up love?" he asks.
"There's a bloke in the bar who wants to put his head between my tits and lick the sweat off", she says.
"I'll kill him. Where is he?" storms the Husband.
"Then he said he wanted to pour yoghurt down between my ass cheeks and lick it off" she screams.
"Right. He's dead!" says the husband, reaching for a bat.
"Then he said he wanted to turn me upside down, fill my pussy with Guinness and then drink it all" she cries!
The husband puts down his bat and returns to his armchair, and switches the telly back on.
"Aren't you going to do something about it?" she cries hysterically.
"Look love, I'm not messing with any bloke who can drink 15 pints of Guinness..."
The barmaid asks him what he wants.
"I want to bury my head in your cleavage and lick off all the sweat from between your tits", he says.
..."You dirty pig!" shouts the barmaid, "get out before I get my husband."
The bloke apologises and promises not to repeat his gaffe. The Barmaid accepts this and asks him again what he wants. "I want to pull your pants down, spread yoghurt between the cheeks of your ass and lick it all off."
She says, "You dirty filthy pervert! You're banned. Get out!!"
Again, the bloke apologises and swears never ever to do it again. "One more chance," says the barmaid, "Now - what do you want?
"I want to turn you upside down, tear your knickers off and fill your pussy with Guinness, and then drink every last drop from the hairy cup."
The barmaid is furious at this personal intrusion, and runs upstairs to fetch her husband, who's sitting quietly watching the telly.
"What's up love?" he asks.
"There's a bloke in the bar who wants to put his head between my tits and lick the sweat off", she says.
"I'll kill him. Where is he?" storms the Husband.
"Then he said he wanted to pour yoghurt down between my ass cheeks and lick it off" she screams.
"Right. He's dead!" says the husband, reaching for a bat.
"Then he said he wanted to turn me upside down, fill my pussy with Guinness and then drink it all" she cries!
The husband puts down his bat and returns to his armchair, and switches the telly back on.
"Aren't you going to do something about it?" she cries hysterically.
"Look love, I'm not messing with any bloke who can drink 15 pints of Guinness..."
Quite apt at the moment, don't know about you but tolerances in our house starting to fray a little!!
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@dennisboothstash would never buy such cheap beer, however drunkenly buying a ZX Spectrum ...
Was seriously considering buying a canoe actually!!!
A word to the wise, and I'm not for one moment casting aspersions, but if you're buying on-line, kayaks are weight specific, as I found out when I was asked to trial one, that immediately became a submarine when I sat in it.
The red indian type things have risks too, as I found out playing last of the mohecans with the kids. I thought I'd have a play solo while they had a picnic...it's obvious now when I look back, but I just jumped into the back seat I'd been sitting in when it was fully loaded, and 'wheelied' across the river.
