Off Topic The offical: Jokes THREAD
- Thread starter Garlic Klopp
- Start date
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Right. I'm outta here, got things to do. Out later to a friends for dinner....gonna take a bag and nick the loo roll.
Even with the Coronavirus panic buying, no one wants to eat vegan food
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I waved at a girl because I thought she waved at me. Turns out she was waving to another guy. So to get out of the situation I kept my hand in the air and a taxi pulled over and drove me to the airport. I’m now in Prague starting a new life.
I panic bought some beer today, but I panic drank it all. Now I’ve got to panic buy some more tomorrow.
At the doc's.
He told me I'd got hermes.
I said, "Don't you mean herpes?"
He said, "No, you're a carrier."
He told me I'd got hermes.
I said, "Don't you mean herpes?"
He said, "No, you're a carrier."
I actually need to do a small shop tonight. Does one need a cover story when buying toilet paper, I feel like I need to justify the purchase...I normally bulkbuy because I hate shopping. I feel the need to down grade and buy just a small pack to avoid looking like I'm panicking.
George is 80 and lives in an old people's home. Every night his friend Mabel comes to his room and holds his cock in her hand while they watch telly. Then one Saturday Mabel goes out to her daughter's for the night.
George was going to be alone then Nora, another inmate, says 'Hey George, as Mabel's not 'ere, can i come to watch telly in your room?' He says 'Ok then'.
When she arrives and sits near him, he says would you mind holding my cock?'
'Course not'. So she sits there with his cock in her hand. At the end of the night she says 'I enjoyed it. Can i comeback tomorrow?'
'No, Mabel's back'
'What's Mabel got that I 'aven't?'
He replies 'Parkinson's disease'
George was going to be alone then Nora, another inmate, says 'Hey George, as Mabel's not 'ere, can i come to watch telly in your room?' He says 'Ok then'.
When she arrives and sits near him, he says would you mind holding my cock?'
'Course not'. So she sits there with his cock in her hand. At the end of the night she says 'I enjoyed it. Can i comeback tomorrow?'
'No, Mabel's back'
'What's Mabel got that I 'aven't?'
He replies 'Parkinson's disease'
Do you know a bloke called Nigel in Frodsham. He texted that to me last night
