Jokes

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brisbane-lion said:
A lawyer goes duck hunting in NSW. He lines up a dick and lets fly, bingo. The duck lands in a paddock. The lawyer climbs the fence to retrieve his prize when a guy in a 4x4 turns up. "What do you think you're doing on my land.?" he says. The Lawyers says he was just getting the duck he just shot. The cockie says that it is on his land and he claims it for himself. "Look, says the lawyer, I'm he best lawyer in the state, I could sue you for everything you have, now let me have my duck". "How about we settle this the local way?" says the cockie, "we get three kicks each, I kick you three times then you kick me three times and this goes until one of us has had enough". "OK, say the lawyer and the cockie gives him a belt right in the groin. The lawyer goes down. The cockie boots him in the guts and the lawyer turns over on the ground. The cockie has one last go which he aims straight at the lawyer's head. Groaning with pain, the lawyer struggles to his feet. "OK, my turn." he says. "Naw", says the cockie, I've had enough, you keep the duck".
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another Freudian typo... must bring back some memories fella
 
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Not a joke as such, but made me laugh out loud. Makes you wonder if everything has been scripted, including the gesticulations & furious looks at Trump when (rightly) ignored by him :D

Poor lass is being seriously manipulated. Child abuse! :)

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Whitejock said:
Not a joke as such, but made me laugh out loud. Makes you wonder if everything has been scripted, including the gesticulations & furious looks at Trump when (rightly) ignored by him :D

Poor lass is being seriously manipulated. Child abuse! :)

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"i can't speak for everyone" she says, yet that is exactly what the little freak does, ****ing ******
 
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An old Irish farmer's dog goes missing and he's inconsolable.
His wife says "Why don't you put an advert in the paper?"
He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing.
"What did you put in the paper?" his wife asks.
"Here boy" he replies.
 
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"You can't park there, it's a disabled space," shouted the car park attendant.

"There are eleven empty spaces - it's not as if eleven disabled people are all going to turn up at once, is it?" I replied.

At which point the Millwall FC team bus pulled up to disprove my theory.
 
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Eric Le Merde said:
"You can't park there, it's a disabled space," shouted the car park attendant.

"There are eleven empty spaces - it's not as if eleven disabled people are all going to turn up at once, is it?" I replied.

At which point the Millwall FC team bus pulled up to disprove my theory.
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How long will you have to disappear for if they win, God forbid? <yikes>
 
I took my dog to the dole office to see what he was entitled to. the bloke behind the counter said,
"you idiot, we don't give benefits to dogs"
I argued, "why not, he's brown, he stinks, he's never worked a ****ing day in his life, and he can't speak a word of English"
The bloke replied, "His giro will be on Monday"
 
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During the recent period of heavy rain my shed roof started leaking, so I’d just like to take the opportunity to thank my neighbour who lent me a large, heavy duty, waterproof sheet.
Ta Pauline….
:(
 
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