Off Topic And Now for Something Completely Different

  • Please bear with us on the new site integration and fixing any known bugs over the coming days. If you can not log in please try resetting your password and check your spam box. If you have tried these steps and are still struggling email [email protected] with your username/registered email address
  • Log in now to remove adverts - no adverts at all to registered members!
Do like Milton Jones
Went to see him while at Edinburgh Festival with Askew and the ladies. At the start he asked the audience where he should set the story he was going to improvise through the show. Required swift thinking and loud mouths...so the show was duly set in Hull !
He was really good. The Festival is definitely a 'must do'. For those that haven't been, get it on your bucket list. Watched some very funny (and the odd not so funny) acts. The weirdest event we watched was 'Burt Lancaster Pierced My Hymen (When I Was 11)', Was at a very small, far too intimate venue. We were sat at the front, so was really awkward when this very fragile and very nutty performer (cant call her a comedienne) basically disclosed to us how she (and her brother who committed suicide) were sexually abused by BL at a Beverley Hills party. Also awkward when she performed a full costume change on stage, literally a few feet away (she was probably the wrong side of 50).
 
  • Like
Reactions: dennisboothstash
He was really good. The Festival is definitely a 'must do'. For those that haven't been, get it on your bucket list. Watched some very funny (and the odd not so funny) acts. The weirdest event we watched was 'Burt Lancaster Pierced My Hymen (When I Was 11)', Was at a very small, far too intimate venue. We were sat at the front, so was really awkward when this very fragile and very nutty performer (cant call her a comedienne) basically disclosed to us how she (and her brother who committed suicide) were sexually abused by BL at a Beverley Hills party. Also awkward when she performed a full costume change on stage, literally a few feet away (she was probably the wrong side of 50).
Don't know why you didn't want to stop and have a quiet drink at the bar afterwards with her when she offered !!!

(It was a disturbing evening...I much preferred listening to the confessions of a 30 stone prostitute!)
 
  • Like
Reactions: askewshair
When I was in London we went to a fast food place called shake shack. The food was great, I hope it catches on. They also serve their own beer.
 
He was really good. The Festival is definitely a 'must do'. For those that haven't been, get it on your bucket list. Watched some very funny (and the odd not so funny) acts. The weirdest event we watched was 'Burt Lancaster Pierced My Hymen (When I Was 11)', Was at a very small, far too intimate venue. We were sat at the front, so was really awkward when this very fragile and very nutty performer (cant call her a comedienne) basically disclosed to us how she (and her brother who committed suicide) were sexually abused by BL at a Beverley Hills party. Also awkward when she performed a full costume change on stage, literally a few feet away (she was probably the wrong side of 50).
****ing hell I just googled that. You can watch the mad cow on Vimeo doing the show.
Did you two stay all the way through?? I'd have got up and left after five minutes. ****ing mentalist
 
****ing hell I just googled that. You can watch the mad cow on Vimeo doing the show.
Did you two stay all the way through?? I'd have got up and left after five minutes. ****ing mentalist

We did, as we were at the front there was no easy escape. I think we were a bit stunned and probably felt a bit sorry for her. Particular when a very unfunny drunken heckler started on her. She was totally on the edge.
 
  • Like
Reactions: dennisboothstash
****ing hell I just googled that. You can watch the mad cow on Vimeo doing the show.
Did you two stay all the way through?? I'd have got up and left after five minutes. ****ing mentalist
I've got visions of this thread being read out in court by Chazz's defence barrister while he tries to get him off with his incriminating online search history!!!
 
The most rewarding career in North Korea - well what else can you aspire to?
You must log in or register to see images
 

Attachments

  • upload_2017-6-10_19-48-59.png
    upload_2017-6-10_19-48-59.png
    369.5 KB · Views: 140
You get one of those for each year you're not put to death by the Kim's for not nodding and taking notes at the right moment.

Which reminds me:
You must log in or register to see media
 
Mate of mine went home early & heard noises coming from upstairs, thinking they had burglars he grabbed a large knife and crept upstairs, bursting thru the doors he saw his mate humping his mrs, in his anger he stabbed him between the shoulders, looking surprised his wife said " if you carry on like that you won't have any mates left"
 
A spokesman for McDonald's told the Birmingham Mail: "This thread first appeared back in March and relates to our US market - it has no bearing on the UK market or our products."

May well be true, but I don't know how they can confidently state that it only refers to the US market when it's hundreds of people on Reddit who replied. Chances are some will surely have been from outside the US.
 
I have been given the unignorable hint that the garden is due a bit of attention. Upon listening to the wishes of Fezess, I decided I might use railway sleepers to get around bricks and stone - I much prefer wood. So off onto Google to see whats on offer and I came across this canny piece that rationlises the length of sleepers:

Did you know that the US shuttle design was determined by the width of a Roman horse's bottom ?
- The US standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet 8.5 inches.
- That's an exceedingly odd number. Why was that gauge used?
- Because that's the way they built them in England, and English expatriates built the US Railroads.
- Why did the English build them like that?
- Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that's the gauge they used.
- Why did "they" use that gauge then?
- Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing.
- Okay! Why did the wagons have that particular odd wheel spacing ?
- Well, if they tried to use any other spacing, the wagon wheels would break on some of the old, long distance roads in England, because that's the spacing of the wheel ruts.
- So who built those old rutted roads?
- Imperial Rome built the first long distance roads in Europe (and England) for their legions. The roads have been used ever since.
- And the ruts in the roads?
- Roman war chariots formed the initial ruts, which everyone else had to match for fear of destroying their wagon wheels. Since the chariots were made for Imperial Rome, they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing. The United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches is derived from the original specifications for an Imperial Roman war chariot. And bureaucracies live forever. The Imperial Roman war chariots were made just wide enough to accommodate the back ends of two war horses.

Now the twist to the story... When you see a Space Shuttle sitting on its launch pad, there are two big booster rockets attached to the sides of the main fuel tank. These are solid rocket boosters, or SRBs. The SRBs are made by Thiokol at their factory in Utah. The engineers who designed the SRBs would have preferred to make them a bit fatter, but the SRBs had to be shipped by train from the factory to the launch site. The railroad line from the factory happens to run through a tunnel in the mountains. The SRBs had to fit through that tunnel. The tunnel is slightly wider than the railroad track, and the railroad track, as you now know, is about as wide as two horses' behinds. So, a major Space Shuttle design feature of what is arguably the world's most advanced transportation system was determined over two thousand years ago by the width of a horse's bottom ....Source unknown
 
I have been given the unignorable hint that the garden is due a bit of attention. Upon listening to the wishes of Fezess, I decided I might use railway sleepers to get around bricks and stone - I much prefer wood. So off onto Google to see whats on offer and I came across this canny piece that rationlises the length of sleepers:
That's so cool I really hope it's true. I love stuff like that. Cheers Fez <ok>