Not if you buy **** from eBay ;-)
Again... the official law is all items over a nominal duty are subject to duty and vat...
Irrespective of joking about.
If a guy imports oranges from Spain say just made up. There's a vat rate to be paid on sale. Not as well as said vat rate there will be a duty rate... can the guy importing take the hit... probably not... so guess who pays?
So.... by all means get negotiating. But don't be shocked there not a one size fits all answer cos I am sure for every orange that's simple enough there's a potato or strawberry or some such one of the 27 want to screw us over so they can make more money. The devil will be in the detail.
Imo the grand gamble here was
A) Boris never thought he'd win. He thought he was seeding the ground for the leadership in 2 years as was coming anyway.
B) the hope is the eu are so desperate they will do a deal on a special status for the uk as the hokey cokey state of Europe.