A brief summary of yesterday's games...
* Didn't watch France/Australia as Mark Lawrenson was on commentary, and to the surprise of nobody he was his usual miserable, ignorant self at our literal expense
* France have such an easy kit to get right, but Nike have made a hash of it. Suddenly I'm not confident for what Nike do to ours...
* Benjamin Pavard plays on the left side of Stuttgart's back three, so he started as a right back for France because of reasons
* The first half appeared to be a contest to see who could concede the most ludicrous penalty, with France just about shading it
* Today I learned that a defender chipping the ball past their own keeper isn't an own goal if the nearest opposition player has a ****load of endorsements and Instagram followers. Based on that, Kim Kardashian might be MLS's top scorer this season
* Argentina's main tactic consisted of running with the ball towards the Icelandic defence, but rather than pass it to an available teammate they ran it an additional five yards into a grateful defender. This continued for ninety minutes
* You'd think with the amount of practice he gets every season Messi could've taken a better penalty than that
* Let me guess, the Oily Rat fanboys are all over r/soccer saying "Well our tax-dodging scumlord hero scored his penalty"
* I accidentally bought the low-alcohol Tuborg for the Denmark match. It was bad
* To the nearest thousand, how many internet posters made the same joke about Peru's coach looking like Iggy Pop?
* Of course the commentators fail to consider that it wasn't an accident that every Peruvian challenging Kvist for a header kneed him in the ribs, which saw him stretchered off
* On the plus side, Messi can safely say he didn't take the worst penalty of the tournament
* So what figure will Don Balon pull out of their Don Backsides for their completely made-up Barca bid for Eriksen?
* Nigeria have such an easy kit to get right, but Nike put a lot of effort into getting it horribly wrong. We're going to have red home kits next season, aren't we?
* Watching this game it appears that Croatians have no idea how to cross the ball, with Rebic and Vrsaljko the worst offenders
* The best summary for this game is Nigeria aren't good enough, but Croatia can't be bothered to turn the screw
* Getting bored, I switched over to BBC Four's Welsh Nordic Noir rip-off for five minutes. The unpleasant and completely overbearing soundtrack and their inability to keep the camera still genuinely made me feel ill
* Ah, here comes Marcelo Brozovic, which is good news for HITC as they haven't linked him to us for a good six weeks
* Oh look, it's our former academy player William Troost-Ekong...conceding a penalty with an MMA takedown
* To sum up how little of a toss Croatia seem to give about this match Modric half-heartedly celebrated, followed by a half-hearted huddle from his teammates
* And here comes Mateo Kovacic, who hasn't been linked to us for almost two weeks