Just found this on the Watford board and thought it might help to lighten the day for some.
FIFTY SHADES OF GREY - (a husband's point of view) - By Pam Ayres.
It works better if you can imagine Pam Ayres reciting this with a West Country accent!!!!!
FIFTY SHADES OF GREY
(a husband’s point of view)
By Pam Ayres
The missus brought a Paperback,
Down Shepton Mallet way,
I had a look inside her bag:
… T’was “Fifty Shades of Grey”.
Well I just left her to it,
And at ten I went to bed.
An hour later she appeared;
The sight filled me with dread…
In her left she held a rope;
And in her right a whip!
She threw them down upon the floor,
And then began to strip.
Well fifty years or so ago;
I might have had a peek;
But Mabel hasn’t weathered well;
She’s eighty four next week!!
Watching Mabel bump and grind;
Could not have been much grimmer.
And things then went from bad to worse;
She toppled off her Zimmer!
She struggled back upon her feet;
A couple minutes later;
She put her teeth back in and said
I am a dominator !!
Now if you knew our Mabel,
You’d see just why I spluttered,
I’d spent two months in tra_ction
For the last complaint I’d uttered.
She stood there nude and naked
Bent forward just a bit
I went to hold her, sensual like
and stood on her left tit!
Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out;
My god what had I done!?
She moaned and groaned then shouted out:
“Step on the other one”!!
Well readers, I can’t tell no more;
About what occurred that day.
Suffice to say my jet black hair,
Turned fifty shades of grey.
Have a nice day.
lamballana. 
