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Off Topic The offical: Jokes THREAD
- Thread starter Garlic Klopp
- Start date
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The prehistoric once are the best 
It's official, there is no for Man United fans to buy the new kit. All they need to do is attach an inflatable penis to their heads and the whole world will know who they support.
The air Traffic Controller on duty in the air traffic control tower suddenly lost communication with a small twin engine aircraft. A moment later the tower landline rang and was answered by one of the employees.
The passenger riding with the pilot who lost communications was on a mobile phone.
He yelled, "Mayday, mayday! The pilot had an instant and fatal heart attack. I grabbed his phone out of his pocket and he had told me before we took off he had the tower on his speed dial memory. I am flying upside down at 18,000 feet and traveling at 180 mph. Mayday, mayday!"
The employee in the tower immediately put him on speaker phone: "Calm down, we acknowledge you and we'll guide you down after a few questions. The first thing is not to panic. Remain calm!"
He began his series of questions:
Tower: "How do you know you are traveling at 18,000 feet?"
Aircraft: "I can see that it reads 18,000 feet on the altimeter dial in front of me."
Tower: "Okay, that's good, remain calm. How do you know you're traveling at 180 mph?"
Aircraft: "I can see that it reads 180 mph on the airspeed dial in front of me."
Tower: "Okay, this is great so far, but it's heavily overcast. So how you do you know you're flying upside down?"
Aircraft: "The **** in my pants is running out of my shirt collar.
The passenger riding with the pilot who lost communications was on a mobile phone.
He yelled, "Mayday, mayday! The pilot had an instant and fatal heart attack. I grabbed his phone out of his pocket and he had told me before we took off he had the tower on his speed dial memory. I am flying upside down at 18,000 feet and traveling at 180 mph. Mayday, mayday!"
The employee in the tower immediately put him on speaker phone: "Calm down, we acknowledge you and we'll guide you down after a few questions. The first thing is not to panic. Remain calm!"
He began his series of questions:
Tower: "How do you know you are traveling at 18,000 feet?"
Aircraft: "I can see that it reads 18,000 feet on the altimeter dial in front of me."
Tower: "Okay, that's good, remain calm. How do you know you're traveling at 180 mph?"
Aircraft: "I can see that it reads 180 mph on the airspeed dial in front of me."
Tower: "Okay, this is great so far, but it's heavily overcast. So how you do you know you're flying upside down?"
Aircraft: "The **** in my pants is running out of my shirt collar.
There is a plane flying to America and suddenly the pilot announces that it's going to crash. A woman jumps up and takes off all her clothes and says if I'm going to die, I want to be made feel like a woman. A man jumps up and takes his shirt off and says to the woman, iron this.
Can we keep this as a Garlic Klopp only, thread please.
Thanks in advance.
Thanks in advance.
My friend said he didn’t understand cloning.
I said that makes two of us
I said that makes two of us
A man goes to the doctors and says doctor everytime I masturbate I sing 'Glory Glory Man United'. The doctor says that's normal, all ****ers sing that.
Wayne Rooney was asked for his thoughts on Brexit and he said it's the most important meal of the day.