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Off Topic The offical: Jokes THREAD

Discussion in 'Liverpool' started by Garlic Klopp, Jan 13, 2014.

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  1. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #6481
    kiwiqpr, May 15, 2023
    Makemstine Roger and M!LK like this.
  2. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #6482
    kiwiqpr, May 15, 2023
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  3. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #6483
    kiwiqpr, May 15, 2023
    Makemstine Roger, luvgonzo and Diego like this.
  4. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #6484
    kiwiqpr, May 16, 2023
    Makemstine Roger, saintKlopp and Diego like this.
  5. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #6485
    kiwiqpr, May 19, 2023
    Makemstine Roger and Garlic Klopp like this.
  6. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #6486
    kiwiqpr, May 19, 2023
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  7. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #6487
    kiwiqpr, May 23, 2023
    Makemstine Roger, organic red and Diego like this.
  8. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #6488
    kiwiqpr, May 23, 2023
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  9. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #6489
    kiwiqpr, May 23, 2023
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  10. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    Teacher: Today is Father’s Day.Mary what does your father do. Mary: My dad is a lawyer, he puts bad people in jail.
    Teacher: David what does your father do?
    David: My dad is a doctor,he helps sick people get better.
    Teacher:Johnny what does your father do?
    Johnny: My dad is dead miss.
    Teacher: Oh I’m sorry Johnny,what did he do before he died.
    Johnny:He turned blue and shat on the carpet miss.
     
    #6490
    kiwiqpr, May 23, 2023
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  11. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #6491
    kiwiqpr, May 23, 2023
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  12. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #6492
    kiwiqpr, May 24, 2023
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  13. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    A man went to the doctor. He said "Doc, you gotta check my leg. Something's wrong. Just put your ear up to my thigh, you'll hear it!"
    The doctor cautiously placed his ear to the man's thigh only to hear "Gimme 20 bucks, I really need 20 bucks". "I've never seen or heard anything like this before, how long has this been going on?" the doctor asked.
    "That's nothing Doc. put your ear to my knee".
    The doctor put his ear to the man's knee and heard it say "Man, I really need 10 bucks, just lend me 10 bucks!!"
    "Sir, I really don't know what to tell you. I've never seen anything like this".
    The doctor was dumbfounded.
    "Wait Doc, that's not it. There's more, just put your ear up to my ankle" the man urged him.
    The doctor did as the man said and was blown away to hear his ankle plead "Please, I just need 5 bucks. Lend me 5 bucks please if you can".
    I have no idea what to tell you" the doctor said. "There's nothing about it in my books" he said as he frantically searched all his medical reference books.
    "I can make a well-educated guess though. Based on life and all my previous experience I can tell you that your leg appears to be broke in three places"
     
    #6493
    kiwiqpr, May 24, 2023
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  14. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #6494
    kiwiqpr, May 24, 2023
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  15. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #6495
    kiwiqpr, May 25, 2023
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  16. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #6496
    kiwiqpr, May 25, 2023
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  17. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #6497
    kiwiqpr, May 25, 2023
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  18. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    My wife has an awful habit of biting her nails, but I've cured her . . . . I've hidden her teeth.
     
    #6498
    kiwiqpr, May 25, 2023
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  19. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #6499
    kiwiqpr, May 25, 2023
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  20. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    Boating lake manager: “come in number 9 . . . . your time is up.”

    Manager’s assistant: “we only have 8 boats”

    Boating lake manager: “is everything all right, boat number 6 ?”
     
    #6500
    kiwiqpr, May 25, 2023
    Makemstine Roger and Gordon Armstrong like this.
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