1. Log in now to remove adverts - no adverts at all to registered members!

Off Topic The offical: Jokes THREAD

Discussion in 'Liverpool' started by Garlic Klopp, Jan 13, 2014.

Page 289 of 345
  1. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

    Joined:
    May 11, 2011
    Messages:
    110,567
    Likes Received:
    215,360
    An 80-year-old man went to the doctor, who was amazed at what good shape he was in. The doctor asked,
    "Why do you think you have such good health?"
    The old timer said,
    "I'm a turkey hunter and that's why I'm in such good shape. I'm up before daylight and out chasing turkeys especially for Thanksgiving."
    The doctor said, "Well, I'm sure that helps, but there has got to be more to it. How old was your father when he died?"
    The old timer said,
    "Who said my dad's dead?"
    The doctor said, "You mean you're 80 years old and your dad's still alive? How old is he?"
    The old timer said, "He's 100 years old and he hunted turkey with me this morning, and that's why he's still alive...he's a turkey hunter."
    The doctor said, "Well, that's great, but I'm sure there's more to it. How about your dad's dad? How old was he when he died?"
    The old timer said,
    "Who said my grandpa's dead?"
    The doctor said, "You mean you're 80 years old and your grandfather's still living! How old is he?"
    The old timer said, "He's 118 years old."
    The doctor was getting frustrated at this point and said, "I guess he went turkey hunting with you this morning too?"
    The old timer said,
    "No, Grandpa couldn't go this morning because he got married."
    The Doctor said in amazement,
    "Got married!! Why would a 118-year-old guy want to get married?"
    The old timer said,
    "Who said he wanted to?"
     
    #5761
    kiwiqpr, Feb 16, 2021
    likesforeveryone likes this.
  2. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

    Joined:
    May 11, 2011
    Messages:
    110,567
    Likes Received:
    215,360
    please log in to view this image
     
    #5762
    kiwiqpr, Feb 16, 2021
    likesforeveryone and THE FOOL like this.
  3. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

    Joined:
    May 11, 2011
    Messages:
    110,567
    Likes Received:
    215,360
    A wise Chinese man once said,

    "If a dog barks it's undercooked"
     
    #5763
    kiwiqpr, Feb 16, 2021
    likesforeveryone, THE FOOL and organic red like this.
  4. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

    Joined:
    May 11, 2011
    Messages:
    110,567
    Likes Received:
    215,360
    10 years ago I went to the opticians for an eye test. He asked me to look into this big machine & tell him what I could see. I said I can see a fella eating a bat, closed pubs & everyone seems to be wearing face masks!

    The optician said I don't need glasses as I have 2020 vision!
     
    #5764
    kiwiqpr, Feb 16, 2021
    likesforeveryone likes this.
  5. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

    Joined:
    May 11, 2011
    Messages:
    110,567
    Likes Received:
    215,360
    please log in to view this image
     
    #5765
    kiwiqpr, Feb 16, 2021
    likesforeveryone likes this.
  6. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

    Joined:
    May 11, 2011
    Messages:
    110,567
    Likes Received:
    215,360
    please log in to view this image
     
    #5766
    kiwiqpr, Feb 16, 2021
    likesforeveryone likes this.
  7. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

    Joined:
    May 11, 2011
    Messages:
    110,567
    Likes Received:
    215,360
    please log in to view this image
     
    #5767
    kiwiqpr, Feb 16, 2021
    likesforeveryone, Zanjinho and organic red like this.
  8. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

    Joined:
    May 11, 2011
    Messages:
    110,567
    Likes Received:
    215,360
    please log in to view this image
     
    #5768
    kiwiqpr, Feb 16, 2021
    likesforeveryone, Bumps, THE FOOL and 1 other person like this.
  9. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

    Joined:
    May 11, 2011
    Messages:
    110,567
    Likes Received:
    215,360
    please log in to view this image
     
    #5769
    kiwiqpr, Feb 16, 2021
    likesforeveryone and Zanjinho like this.
  10. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

    Joined:
    May 11, 2011
    Messages:
    110,567
    Likes Received:
    215,360
    please log in to view this image
     
    #5770
    kiwiqpr, Feb 16, 2021
    likesforeveryone likes this.

  11. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

    Joined:
    May 11, 2011
    Messages:
    110,567
    Likes Received:
    215,360
    please log in to view this image
     
    #5771
    kiwiqpr, Feb 17, 2021
    likesforeveryone likes this.
  12. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

    Joined:
    May 11, 2011
    Messages:
    110,567
    Likes Received:
    215,360
    please log in to view this image
     
    #5772
    kiwiqpr, Feb 17, 2021
    likesforeveryone likes this.
  13. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

    Joined:
    May 11, 2011
    Messages:
    110,567
    Likes Received:
    215,360
    please log in to view this image
     
    #5773
    kiwiqpr, Feb 17, 2021
    likesforeveryone likes this.
  14. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

    Joined:
    May 11, 2011
    Messages:
    110,567
    Likes Received:
    215,360
    please log in to view this image
     
    #5774
    kiwiqpr, Feb 17, 2021
    likesforeveryone likes this.
  15. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

    Joined:
    May 11, 2011
    Messages:
    110,567
    Likes Received:
    215,360
    please log in to view this image
     
    #5775
    kiwiqpr, Feb 17, 2021
    likesforeveryone likes this.
  16. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

    Joined:
    May 11, 2011
    Messages:
    110,567
    Likes Received:
    215,360
    please log in to view this image
     
    #5776
    kiwiqpr, Feb 17, 2021
    likesforeveryone and Zanjinho like this.
  17. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

    Joined:
    May 11, 2011
    Messages:
    110,567
    Likes Received:
    215,360
    please log in to view this image
     
    #5777
    kiwiqpr, Feb 17, 2021
    likesforeveryone likes this.
  18. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

    Joined:
    May 11, 2011
    Messages:
    110,567
    Likes Received:
    215,360
    please log in to view this image
     
    #5778
    kiwiqpr, Feb 18, 2021
    likesforeveryone likes this.
  19. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

    Joined:
    May 11, 2011
    Messages:
    110,567
    Likes Received:
    215,360
    please log in to view this image
     
    #5779
    kiwiqpr, Feb 18, 2021
    likesforeveryone, Zanjinho and THE FOOL like this.
  20. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

    Joined:
    May 11, 2011
    Messages:
    110,567
    Likes Received:
    215,360
    please log in to view this image
     
    #5780
    kiwiqpr, Feb 18, 2021
    likesforeveryone likes this.
Page 289 of 345

Share This Page