Pastor goes to the dentist for a set of false teeth. The first Sunday after he gets his new teeth, he talks for only eight minutes. The second Sunday, he talks for only ten minutes. The following Sunday, he talks for 2 hours and 48 minutes. The congregation had to mob him to get him down from the pulpit and they asked him what happened. The Pastor explains the first Sunday his gums hurt so bad he could not talk for more than 8 minutes. The second Sunday his gums hurt less so he talked for 10 minutes. But, the third Sunday, he put his wife's teeth in by mistake and he couldn't shut up...
Police have confirmed that they have arrested the man who fell inside a combine harvester after trying to steal it. He is due to be bailed tomorrow.
I remember being so poor that all we had to eat was coal. Thinking of those times still brings a lump to my throat.
Every day, a male employee walks up very close to a female co-worker at the coffee machine. He stops, inhales quite deeply and says that her hair smells nice. After a week of this, the woman can't stand it anymore. She takes her issue to a supervisor in Human Resources and asks to file a sexual harassment grievance against the guy. The supervisor is puzzled and asks, "What's threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?" "It's Frank. The midget."
I spent £96 on eBay today to buy a cheese grater once owned by Hitler and Saddam Hussein. It was the grater of two evils.
Although my mum is from Arran, my dad from Kashmir, my maternal grandparents from Jersey and my paternal grandparents from Cardigan, we are still a close-knit family.
