I've just had a bloke knock on my door asking me to sign the organ donor register. I thought, there's a man after my own heart!
A man goes to his doctor for his physical and gets sent to the urologist as a precaution. When he gets there, he discovers the urologist is a very pretty female doctor. The female doctor says, "I'm going to check your prostate today, but this new procedure is a little different from what you are probably used to. I want you to lie on your right side, bend your knees, then while I check your prostate, take a deep breath and say, '99' ". The guy obeys and says, "99". The doctor says, "Great". Now turn over on your left side and again, while repeating the check, take a deep breath and say, '99". Again, the guy says, '99'." The doctor said,"Very good. Now then, I want you to lie on your back with your knees raised slightly. I'm going to check your prostate with this hand, and with the other hand, I'm going to hold on to your penis to keep it out of the way. Now take a deep breath and say, '99'. The guy begins, "One ... Two ...Three"
Who am I? I used to think I was just an ordinary person, but I was born white, which now, whether I like it or not, would seem to make me a racist. I am a fiscal and moral conservative, which by today's standards, makes me a fascist. I am heterosexual, which now makes me a homophobe. I am mostly non-union, which makes me a traitor to the working class and an ally of big business. I was Christened by my parents, which now labels me as an infidel. I have always eaten whatever was put in front of me by my parents or my host, which makes my views on faddish food discrimination quite unacceptable. I open doors for ladies which makes me a misogynistic, sexist, pig. I am retired, which makes me useless. I think and I reason, therefore I distrust much that the main stream media tells me; this makes me a reactionary. I eschew social media since it reflects only opinions, mis-information and the madness of crowds; this makes me a blinkered dinosaur. I am proud of my heritage, which makes me a xenophobe. I value my safety and that of my family and I appreciate the police and the legal system, which makes me a right-wing extremist. I believe in hard work, fair play, and fair compensation according to each individual's merits, which today makes me an anti-socialist. I (and most of the people I know), acquired a fair education without student loan debts and little or no debt, which makes me some kind of an odd underachiever. I believe in the defence and protection of my country and I honour those who served in the Armed Forces; this now makes me a right wing-militant. Please help me come to terms with the new me... because I'm just not sure who the hell I am anymore! Funny ...it’s all just taken place over the last 3 or 4 years! If all this wasn’t enough to deal with ... now I’m not even sure which toilet to go into.
I was at a Christening and asked the father what the baby was called. He says "Tuesday" I said "Why did you choose that name?" "Well," he replied " That's our fourth, and the wife says to me I think we should call it a day."
