Shearer's ebar
- Thread starter ToonSi
- Start date
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A Catholic priest and a Rabbi were sitting next to each other on an airplane.
After a while, the priest turned to the Rabbi and asked " is it still a requirement of your faith that you cannot eat pork ?"
The Rabbi responded, " yes, that is still one of our laws "
...
The priest then asked " Have you ever eaten pork?"
To which the Rabbi replied " Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted a ham sandwich "
The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading.
A while later the Rabbi spoke up and asked the priest: " Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?"
The priest replied " Yes, that is still very much part of our faith "
The Rabbi then asked him " Father, have you ever fallen to the temptation of the flesh?"
The priest replied " Yes, Rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and and broke my faith "
The Rabbi nodded understandingly and remained silent, thinking, for about five minutes.
Finally, the Rabbi said " Beats the sh*t out of a ham sandwich, doesn't it?"
After a while, the priest turned to the Rabbi and asked " is it still a requirement of your faith that you cannot eat pork ?"
The Rabbi responded, " yes, that is still one of our laws "
...
The priest then asked " Have you ever eaten pork?"
To which the Rabbi replied " Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted a ham sandwich "
The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading.
A while later the Rabbi spoke up and asked the priest: " Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?"
The priest replied " Yes, that is still very much part of our faith "
The Rabbi then asked him " Father, have you ever fallen to the temptation of the flesh?"
The priest replied " Yes, Rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and and broke my faith "
The Rabbi nodded understandingly and remained silent, thinking, for about five minutes.
Finally, the Rabbi said " Beats the sh*t out of a ham sandwich, doesn't it?"
A little kid gets on a bus and sits right behind the driver (A Mackem) and starts yelling, ''If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I'd be a little bull.''
The Mackem starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, ''If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant.''
The kid goes on with several animals until the Mackem gets angry and yells at the kid,
''What if your dad was gay and your mom was a prostitute?!''
The kid smiles and says, ''I would be a Mackem!''
The Mackem starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, ''If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant.''
The kid goes on with several animals until the Mackem gets angry and yells at the kid,
''What if your dad was gay and your mom was a prostitute?!''
The kid smiles and says, ''I would be a Mackem!''
Baby's First Doctor Visit
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam. The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed. 'Breast-fed, ' she replied..
'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered.
She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.
Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, 'No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk.'
‘I know,' she said, 'I'm his Grandma, But I'm glad I came.'
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam. The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed. 'Breast-fed, ' she replied..
'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered.
She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.
Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, 'No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk.'
‘I know,' she said, 'I'm his Grandma, But I'm glad I came.'
for a little dutch courage.Watch that Obi, he'll try to get you drunk and you wont know what's happened to you.
Watch that Obi, he'll try to get you drunk and you wont know what's happened to you.
Poor attempt at disguising that you're a skinflint AB - just one drink for the lady on a night out?
Just one at a time Obi, I've got no intention of trying to get her drunk to take advantage of her, she's too much of a lady.
She's welcome to as many as she wants in her own time.
No that would be mean, I couldn't do it.
Just a good old fashioned belly laugh then.
ooooh lovely .... just what I needed to get me going
IâM NOT entirely convinced that this âtelegram ***â will really catch on, you know.
Must dash!
A chap goes to the Doctors to get the results of some tests he'd hd taken a couple of days before.
" Ah... come in and sit down Mr Thompson I've got some good news and some not so good news for you, what would you like first?"
The fella says " Better give me the bad news first Doc "
Doctor says " Unfortunately you've only got 2 weeks to live "
The bloke replies " Jesus.....only 2 weeks to live, what's the good news?"
Doctor says " I shagged my secretary this morning "
" Ah... come in and sit down Mr Thompson I've got some good news and some not so good news for you, what would you like first?"
The fella says " Better give me the bad news first Doc "
Doctor says " Unfortunately you've only got 2 weeks to live "
The bloke replies " Jesus.....only 2 weeks to live, what's the good news?"
Doctor says " I shagged my secretary this morning "